Confessions of a libra

Born Ready | Credit: Here

02.09.25

The perfect strategy requires time to perfect, and nothing less than precision in execution. The beauty of existing as a Black woman, in a Eurocentric Western country and patriarchal world – is they never see me coming. My insights are dismissed as too idealistic, and not seeing the full picture – when I always speak from a bird’s eye view. I am honest. I am truthful. I am helpful. I am integrous. People adore these qualities in me, but many only want to exploit my gifts. As is the way of the world when it values capitalism. Where one’s value is measured only in output – but that output has to match a very specific rubric – even if the rubric is rudimentary. I have worked for so many companies, led by inflated egos and non-existent logic. There’s not a place I have lived or worked whose systems I didn’t upgrade from my sheer ability to think so vast, and to see the things others are quick to overlook.

I started looking for a job around 15-16, rather late for many Australians, but it wasn’t something I felt pressured into back then. I got myself an interview at Best & Less, and was so excited to pick my clothes and wear something preppy. Right up my alley! In the interview, the man praised me for being the only one who turned the chair for the interviewee, from facing on its side to face him. I had done it unthinkingly, wanting to be comfortable and make direct eye-contact. While I waited to hear back my mum informed me that my grandmother’s visa had been approved, she would be coming from Zimbabwe to stay with us for 3 months.

I have always had a special bond with my grandmother, who had recently suffered a couple of strokes pretty close together. I felt the weight when I thought of my being away at school all day, then work and not getting to spend time with her. It was agreed that at that particular time, I can put off the job. She came over and I was able to spend time and tend to her, as I’d always done as a child. The first actual job I got was at 18 in Northcote, working at a restaurant. I was newly out of home and desperately needed money to survive. They were paying cash in hand, which at the time sounded convenient for my ability to pay rent to my friends and not have to wait.

I only worked there for a month, maybe 6 weeks max. That time was a blur because I found the 6 hour shifts to be excruciating for my body. It was unsustainable, my body wasn’t built to slave. My mother and I were barely on speaking terms at that time but she offered me an olive branch. Her workplace were hiring and she had always complained about the nepotism in that workplace. She told me that she finally realised instead of fighting the system, she could use this to give me a leg up. I sent in my resume and hoped for the best. After several interviews, I got accepted to work for her company – in a different department – but both working in the same NOC.

I was employed as a waitress on a casual basis. I went and informed one of the owners – a South Asian man – that I would be leaving for a full-time job. This was technically correct in that I was going to be doing full time hours, but even in the new job I was hired as a casual. I kindly requested the last of my pay, so I can be off on my merry way. I still recall the day like it was yesterday, out the back of his restaurant. He asked me why I would leave a job like his, with all the ‘good vibes’ and I told him that I would be earning literally double what he paid me and working full-time hours. That was more than he was able to give me. I truly believe he didn’t see me – with my youth, race and slim figure at the time – as capable of wanting more. He wanted me to feel gratitude, as though my working for him didn’t benefit his pocket and bottom line.

He refused to give me my final pay, I can’t even remember the stupid reason he tried to give. I simply said to him with direct eye contact, that I would report him to Fair Work if he tried to withhold my pay. He knew I wasn’t bluffing. He did one of those mirthless laughs you do when you hear, checkmate. He gave me my well-earned money and that was the last time we ever spoke. I moved into this Telecomms company, while working on a major utilities contract – specifically a water contract. I rose the ranks rather quickly, starting on the phone, taking faults and emergency calls. Within a few months, they had me trained to do Dispatch. I was working 12 hour shifts – 2 days and 2 nights – then 4 days off, rotating.

I loved that I didn’t work directly with my mother but got to see her. Most of all I loved that she was competent, and hence I could feel proud to show that it runs in the family. I ended up at 19 earning more than my 22 year old boyfriend and most people I knew my age. I was also a 19 year old shift-leading on night shifts, essentially choreographing the day’s operations – before giving a 7am handover to the next Dispatcher. With all my Leo and 11th house placements, I have always had a great affinity for men. I know how to read them, make them laugh, inspire loyalty and get the best work out of them. Those Plumbers and Technicians that I was sending on jobs all over the state, loved me. And when I got an opportunity to go spend a day learning what they do on the ground I took it.

Even with all my achievements, level-headedness and compliments on handling emergencies at sewer plants – I was unable to convert that into a full-time contract. They wanted to keep me on that contract and I wanted the security and benefits of a full-time contract. As such, I decided to leave. My ability to pivot when something doesn’t work for me, is something that people have never understood. I was newly in the workforce, earning good money and clearly competent. To many, I was being short-sighted but I knew that wasn’t my dream job. I knew I didn’t know what my dream job was yet. All I knew is the kind of security that I wanted to have, based on my inner compass. I’ve let that be a constant guide as an adult.

Next I went into the postal service. Surprisingly one of the better companies I have worked for in terms of; opportunities within the company, branding internally and cohesive processes that are clearly outlined. My main issue there ended up being absorbing so much emotional trauma from the public. People were calling not just to complain about their parcel, but about how delays were affecting their ability to have a harmonious wedding or delaying an overseas funeral. I was essentially on the front-lines, absorbing trauma dumping from the public and there was just no EAP that could make that better. I started feeling physically ill 3 months into the job and only 9 months later was I informed by a doctor – after numerous tests and lifestyle changes – that I had stress-related IBS.

I gave up on this job 12 months after I first got sick. Which triggered a break-up with my partner at the time. That job taught me about the body being an oracle. I was trying so hard to mind over matter, and on paper if you looked at my KPI’s and trajectory I was great at my job. But at what cost? That cost, was my mental health, my peace of mind and my bodily health. This is when and how I properly metabolised, what psychosomatic symptoms are. Something I have recently been experiencing again. The body has always told me when a situation becomes functionally untenable. And I hate that we ever have to go through that, in workplaces that only pretend to care about your health insofar as it doesn’t disrupt their ability to make money.

Throughout my 20’s my priorities have been the following; making money in a job that feels resonant, finding myself through exploration and amassing skills. I worried my mother, with how often I ‘threw in the towel’ and pivoted to other jobs. From my perspective, she was overly cautious because she has to be. She is a mother, she is a Gen Xer and she is living in a country that has actively messed with her professional confidence due to factors she cannot control. I saw my role as the disruptor. I was here young enough to learn the ways of the West. Learn the systems in their native tongue, and create a game or a flow that ultimately prioritised me. It’s not even like my job-hopping was always a choice, when your body starts revolting – you’d be an idiot to keep pushing.

I shifted the goal posts to see if I would get different outcomes, to test how bad the Australian work culture is. I have worked; in call centres, in a beauty clinic, in a cosmetic clinic, in a disability support company (NDIS funded) and even primarily worked on my own business. I have worked with tradies, with learned professionals and academics. Yet many things are the same across the board. Many egoic men in power, who designate certain tasks and ceilings for the women in their companies. Threatened White Women with a scarcity mindset. As opportunities are already limited for women, instead of pushing for more seats at the table, they gatekeep their singular seat. Every other person of colour thinking they can outwit me because I am a Black person. Until they are in a HR meeting with me, realising they can also be accused of prejudice.

We live in a world where employers want you to be grateful for being employed, while the basis of capitalism lies in them making more out of you than you get from them. It lies in people gatekeeping instead of expanding opportunities. Especially in Melbourne but generally major cities, performative progressiveness – they’ll make sure to get Pride flags up, NAIDOC week posters – but you actually have a complaint about racism and no one wants to talk. I can’t think of a company that I have worked for who hasn’t at least tried, if not outright used me in promotional material to over-represent their multiculturalism. In many smaller workplaces, I know I was the reason more Black women weren’t hired. They decided I was already too smart to deal with and they didn’t want two of us, colluding.

Instead of reforming systems, many companies will tout the need for efficiency and growth. When you point out inefficiencies, suddenly it’s unreasonable. You are too chatty and should be careful speaking to the wrong people. Giving people ideas. I have always been cataloguing this wrongdoing, knowing that one day, I would have the power to do something about it. Every time I have spoken up for myself and others, it was never in vain just because I was still young. Still flexing my power. Every man I have stood up to professionally, has been justified and a righting of the scales. For every woman who ever swallowed her logic or intuition to soothe the male ego. Know that when I strike, it is never without cause. Know that when I strike it is done artfully, and with all the Spiritual Authority. The Fulcrum is the one player they never saw on the board.