Confessions of a libra

Brave new heights | Credit: Here

09.08.25

Some men will die alone. Not as divine punishment but rather a complete refusal to evolve. This isn’t a radical idea. This is something women have quietly foreseen and agreed amongst ourselves. And as we know, women use more of their frontal cortex than men do. Women are just better at foresight. This is something I have been able to identify in many men I have already encountered and known intimately, not as just a concept outside of myself. I am not fear mongering. I am being a realist.

Patriarchy makes men feel like they are being toughened. Forces men to perform masculinity through hypermasculine behaviours. When in reality, patriarchy has softened men’s egos. Have you ever seen those incel-adjacent, right-wing podcast bros? Having a conniption over who can open a jar better between a man and a woman? Screaming into podcast mics until they turn red, over their inability to have game, unless they indoctrinate women (into conservatism) or pay them (not-so-secretly)? Men have been made to believe they are the most logical and rational. Yet as someone who is also logical and rational, I’ve observed the exact opposite. Let me explain to you through a mixture of science, lived experience and sociological observations – what to look out for if you too do not want to die alone.

Many of us touched on the concept of natural selection at least from High School. To reiterate, only the adaptable continue to thrive, by producing more offspring. You stagnate, you get left behind. Once upon a time in human history, beginning with our caveman days, it was more important for a man to have brawn. Brawn meant your family was likely to survive all the apex predators. However, while a good chunk of early human history valued brawn above all, it wasn’t like that long. We have had a few different factors for common mating behaviours, that we still exhibit now. I include these to dispel the myth that somehow women in the modern day are more demanding than in the past. I hope to also illustrate, that we are only building upon a foundation. We are not as revolutionary as we think, but we have the potential for more.

Resource provisioning has always been important in the sexual marketplace. Historically, a man who can provide food or shelter away from predators and rival groups was the one most likely to attract a mate. Something that has not changed to this day with modern women, wanting a man who earns a decent wage but it also generous and community minded in his use of his accumulated wealth. This is the ideal kind of man for any gender that likes men. Historically men having secured allies and that lead were considered the more attractive of the men. In modern times, this is men with a good social network and reputation (high status). Men who are highly respected in their fields, and men who are generally competent/reliable.

Of course, we know protection from physical threats is and always has been important. What changes with modern women, is protection is not all about the physical or brute force. It’s about being able to see her mental load and adjust. Being able to shield from social or emotional pressure from external forces. Not perpetuating emotional or physical harm. Over time, as we have evolved we have identified an intelligence. In this intelligence we have learnt that not all things we thought required brute force, ever required it at all. It is why corporal punishment isn’t widely practiced anymore and is dying out even in the more conservative places.

For anyone interested in Psychology and any of the Sciences, while also having pattern recognition – you can clearly see how we had this belief that we could only learn from aggression and tragedy. Mainly enforced by the people who did think like that i.e. colonialists. Emotional investment has always been important in the mating game. Historically, men who stayed after mating increased offspring survival. Women as the bearers of life, have always had a vested interest in ensuring the survival of the offspring, they have borne. As such, overtime we see this in how modern women value emotionally present men.

Men who radiate paternal energy are especially attractive, I can definitely attest to this. And I am not saying, you continue using dogs and children as props on your Tinder profiles because women clocked that game ages ago. You either radiate that energy or you don’t. It’s an emotional signature men give, that typical radiates natura; care and empathy. A soft masculinity. That’s the best way I can describe men with paternal energy. Lastly physical health and vitality. Women have always been pulled towards procreating with good genetics. Modern men have spun this into a gym-bro culture but please know that is for other men. Rarely are women impressed with your body building, so you can take slutty photos in the gym mirror.

Yes, muscular bodies can be very attractive to women, but so can soft bellies. Women like the strength behind the body. The looming nature of the body to their own. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with you being the most cut. Having a healthy attitude to the body; trying to eat well, exercise, journal (because you realise the mind needs to be healthy too) and not waiting for someone else to facilitate your health consciousness – is incredibly attractive. Especially because a lot of men, are functionally children who know how to earn money. That will no longer suffice. I hope you can see now that 21st century women, aren’t any more demanding than their predecessors. What they are is, appropriately armed with historical knowledge, lived experience and biological wiring that makes them attracted to competence. And safety.

Modern men have clung onto false stories of nature, to excuse their dominance kinks that uphold patriarchy. Nature doesn’t back up the male dominance fantasies many of you have clung to. Have you seen male birds, trying to attract a mate? The whole Alpha wolf mentality that hypermasculine men parrot, was debunked by the very scientist whoever proposed that structure. Wolves actually live in family units, not male-dominated hierarchies like you were sold. What the scientist believed to be the ‘Alpha’ pair is just the parents of the family, that both lead the family to protect them. As we would in a nuclear human family.

Now I believe in nuance and I think we can still use the term alpha because it literally means the beginning, the first – but it can no longer be wielded in the same way have been wielding it. Primates are our closest living relatives, in many of their species the males who rely purely on brute force are eventually pushed out and rounded up with the females. They are cast out, for becoming too dangerous. Group cohesion, group safety and group survival is incumbent upon this level of fore-planning. If they let that male run amuck first, then try to retroactively punish them, they may have lost lives by then.

Dominance without cooperation, adaptability and contribution is truly just a short-term dating strategy. That is why the men who think they have their whole lives to settle down, don’t respect women but want access to their bodies – end up dying alone. Men have convinced themselves that being promiscuous is only bad if you’re a woman. Promiscuity affects everyone who participates in it. It’s like a pact. You get something out of it, immediate carnal pleasure at the cost of depth and longevity. You are essentially someone who values quantity over quality.

So many of these men going down the red pill pipeline are being sold that they are the prize and as such they should sleep with everyone in sight. I don’t know about you, but that’s not really how ‘the prize’ works. When something is of value is it is not suddenly accessible to all. It becomes more and more selectively accessible, to the few. How can these red pill bros both say virgins are more valuable for having less sexual interactions, while they are more valuable for having more sexual interactions? I would argue a promiscuous woman is more likely to transmute that energy and transform at some point. She might even let love transform her into a more faithful version of herself. And because women are already socialised to please men, when she gets out of her ho phase – she’ll adapt.

A man however, who has spent his formative years learning how to charm to bed and bed alone, not put any work into his emotional landscape; not for himself, not to better orchestrate his environment, have clear communication or anything of worth – is unlikely to break any such pattern. Instead they are likely to be blaming women into their retirement. Constantly talking and dreaming about 20-year-old-ass that they plan to chase and secure in a marriage. Except it won’t happen because no one will want their geriatric, emotionally stunted, community-less state.

Let’s take a detour and personalise this. I have been friends with, dated and worked with men I would consider to be highly likely to end up alone. Let me give you the archetypes, to see if you fit or relate to any of these. The one in my mind who is most likely headed in that direction is a man who prides himself on having such high-standards, that he doesn’t date women to know them. To learn them and to love them. Instead, he dates them with the assumption that they will become a nuisance and a burden, and he needs to mine their attentions or affections during the honeymoon phase. He refuses to delve deeper than that, because by then the woman he is dating is likely starting to understand him, not for the filter he has projected – but for the evidence she is starting to stack up from personal interactions with him.

Many of the men who I put in this category that I have met, have crumbled under the weight of their father wound. They have effectively run away from it. Choosing to use it as a pre-emptive shield to any accountability. Or not addressing it at all, yet slowly turning into their fathers before my very eyes. I have watched men who think the performance of being in a relationship is the relationship. If I say I love her, and I care about her, then it shouldn’t matter if sometimes I disappoint her. If sometimes I don’t listen to her. There was someone on Tiktok years ago who introduced me to the idea that men in relationships rarely think women will leave even though they are actively complaining or showing disdain. This is because men have this internal belief that when a woman is complaining, she is experiencing a ‘tolerable level of unhappiness’.

It’s the same as men believing that, to some extent women just like to complain. That it’s normal for women to be unhappy in relationships. Their mums were unhappy, but they stayed, right? When instead, women are stacking information until their love for you is eclipsed by your incompetence. Then it alleviates their guilt enough to leave you behind. I theorise the only reason women do it this way, is because we were trained to be emotionally hypervigilant, to defer to men, and not to rock the boat. These factors make leaving every relationship, a minefield. Which is why women celebrate breakups and have divorce parties. We understand, the bravery it takes. It’s not women being silly, or childish or stupid – it is an acknowledgement of emotional and mental labour. Spiritual even.

I have dated men who couldn’t feel secure to date me because they felt like I didn’t need them. They want to be relied upon, depended upon but had they ever evaluated their capacity to hold what I hold? Many of them, if I had relied on them through the hardships that have followed me, would have crumbled under the pressure. If you as a man, don’t even know how to voice your own spectrum of emotions, your life trajectory and the key moments that shaped you – why do you think you could lead a woman? And if you think emotional labour, emotional literacy and emotional architecture are feminine by nature – then you are truly lost. We will be here when you are ready for the truth.

I also do not understand why men like this aren’t okay with being wanted. They want to be needed so they can wield that power selfishly, instead of having you come to the table willing. It is this type of mentality that contributes to rape culture. You shouldn’t want a woman more because of a power imbalance. Men want to cling to gender roles that existed at very specific time periods. If they were not too egoic to google, they could learn about other times in human society that roles weren’t always so strict and rigid. Those times never killed us. Some of these so-called ‘traditionalists’ are upholding classist, imperialist ideals of womanhood that have never been true for many middle to lower-class families across time.

Have you ever thought about how many Black families got to have a stay at home mum, with all the bells and whistles during the 50’s? Was it actually a commonality, or a privilege even among minority communities? And if the 50’s were so good, why were housewives opting into lobotomies? Why were they hopped up on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications? There was a notable increase in prescription medications for women when they were pushed out of the workforce, because men needed more room to play, post the war.

Washing dishes in your home, without prompting does not make you any less of a man. Relationships are supposed to be places you go to collaborate. To hopefully create your own little pocket of family. To lead, is not about autocracy. It’s not about you dictating every standard that exists. Women have evolved, as the world around us has evolved. Now more than ever, women need men to not just be good at one thing, but become more multidimensional. It’s not enough just to have a good job, or just to go to the gym or just to be attractive. Many women are already multidimensional. Women are simply waiting for me to catch up, and they aren’t even doing it with that much ego. To not step up, is to give up. It’s deciding that you don’t have autonomy in this life. That you deserve to stay in la la land. And there you shall stay, until you find yourself flirting with the nurses in hospice, who have loving husbands at home.

Men will get a lot further if they view the women around them as teachers not as conquests. Learning to see women’s wisdom over women’s bodies. Depestalising your egos, will be the most painful thing you’ll ever do. Masculinity and ego are entirely in love with each other. If you think about polarities, men must soften to become whole and have equilibrium. Women must harden for the same reasons. Yet, women have already done the hardening. Women can do the same jobs, earn the money, be the breadwinner, protect…all of those things.

Men must now domesticate themselves. I want to see more men in aprons, more stay-at-home dads, more dads in PTA meetings, more thoughtful discourse from men about men’s issues without bringing women into it and more men drop the façade that their masculine framework was built on. I will always believe in you, but I will not wait for you either. I only warn you, as you genuinely may have never considered the consequences of your decisions within the matrix. Your choice isn’t between dying or not. It’s between evolving now or leaving the story unfinished. Asé.