Confessions of a libra

Sexy Boundaries | Credit: Here

31.07.25

We have been sold the idea that romantic love is the answer to most of our problems. This goes for men and women consciously or subconsciously. It’s in the Disney movies we watch growing up, it’s baked well into the media we consume and the books we read. As a Libra Sun none more so than I, enjoy romance for romance’s sake. Love for love’s sake. With my Leo Venus I can love big and hard. However, I consciously worked on unlearning romantic dependency. There’s a saying that I would like you to keep in mind about how to approach the game of love. Do it from love not for love.

Love should never be about scarcity. For when it is, that breeds trauma to unpack later. When you monkey branch, you are acting from a place of scarcity. Why are you unable to sit with yourself, your emotions and process what occurred in your past relationship? Not surface level processing. I mean, interrogate the trajectory of the relationship, slowly and systematically. Shake the whole thing loose and turn it on its head. When you fell for this last person, did you fall for truth or illusion? If you fell for illusion, what about your state of mind at the time, made you reach for this person as the answer? These are the things I am dissecting inbetween my romantic and platonic relationships. I want every arc, to be something I benefit from. I need to know that I am always making decisions that propel me forward, despite what outsiders can or can’t see.

This is because personally I am allergic to actually stagnancy, and lack of autonomy. Whether you are reading this single, in a relationship, or any of the genders – I encourage you all to sit down and write your personal values. One of, if not my first value is independence. As such, this affects how I date and how I navigate singledom. When I am single, especially closer to the last relationship, I will curate my socials. I make sure to watch and surround myself with content about; celebrating singledom, healing the inner child, healing romantic wounds (e.g. limerence) and positive spiritual discourse. I find these to feed my soul, and give me something to focus on that doesn’t feed the craving to return to romance.

When I feel deeply and intrinsically that I am in a happier place, I start engaging in books or content surrounding healthy romance discourse. How to be in a relationship while maintaining your autonomy, videos from therapists on the trends they witness surrounding unhealthy patterns in love and anything else that arms me. This also helps me process past experiences, because I am using new lenses and verbiage to describe that moment in time. I might also at this point, start watching or reading romance stories. To get back into that vibration. For some of you it might be shocking the level of intentionality that I live my life and make decisions. I see every decision as a chess move, and every ‘failure’ as a moment to recalibrate. To restrategise.

I have always found the deeper and more intimate your platonic friendships are, the less likely you are to be as desperate for romantic connection. In reciprocal friendships with other women or femmes, you are likely to experience emotional intimacy. Which naturally generates physical actions that release oxytocin, the hormone that makes us feel good and safe. Things like warm hugs, affirming each other and sharing a bed platonically for example. Through oxytocin release, our bonds of trust strengthen and our cortisol is lowered. When you regularly have oxytocin releases through consistent affection, your body stops craving random intimacy as a fix.

You can become more discerning because you are not coming from a place of lack. This is why I empathise a lot when I meet men who are serial monogamists. Modern men are so hypervigilant about being seen as gay, that many friendships lack in platonic affection that is embraced and not explained away in jokes. I’ve often heard some of the more incel-adjacent, right-wing adjacent men state that women who are ‘girls girls’ are a threat to men. What this signals to me is, an admission that men are realising that women value more than their bonds with men. I know for men who have read my blog and seen how I speak about the women in my life, it can be shocking to see the depth of connection women can have. That’s why it should be unsurprising when women also have big blow ups. You are bound to, when you let people in to that level.

In my female friendships over the years, it’s not uncommon to; cook for each other, give each other massages, make decisions about adornments together, set up sensorially pleasing environments for hang-outs, surprise each other with gifts or trips, remember each other’s parents’ birthdays and so many more intimate acts. Can you see how the presence of such intimacy, fills the heart? Therefore, when you date you have your rose tinted glasses off. You’re not desperate for a little shoulder rub and ‘good girl’ whispered in your ear.

When you are single, focusing on sacral chakra activities is a game changer. For me this looks like dancing. Whether in a relationship or single, I love doing dance classes or dancing at home. Shaking my hips on the regular is a devotional practice, to everything that matters. Doing creative hobbies. This is why I take hobbying extremely serious. It is almost political to me, my right to hobby. I try and ensure, I don’t live my life spending so much money on living expenses, at the detriment of hobbying. Hobbies make life worth living! I love the low stakes hobbies, and I love running competitions with myself. When I’m in my walking/running phase, I’ll be timing my steps everywhere I go and seeing which days/weeks/months I can outdo myself. I love documenting my life, so I have years-worth of images of me in my exercise clothes either before, during or straight after exercise. It’s nice to see myself in my different phases.

I love things like writing, painting, low-stakes cosy gaming, journalling, yoga, reading, puzzling and collecting art. I treat my body like a canvas, when I am single I love stepping up my game from whatever previous era I was in. The activities I have mentioned all relate to the sacral chakra. I also recommend developing a self-pleasure practice. It doesn’t have to include masturbation, if this is against your religious or spiritual beliefs at that time.

I encourage sessions where you oil your body, where you look at your body under candlelight, where you play with different sensations on the skin (e.g. feather on the skin) or self-massages on different parts of the body. You want to feel like you’re not waiting for someone else to facilitate your sensuality. You want to be able to develop a kind of intimacy with yourself, where you stare at yourself in the mirror lovingly. Doing this for me personally has helped me be able to be naked in front of other people without shame. I have looked at and touched my body so many times. I have grown a deep love for her. She deserves nothing but reverence. Nothing else is worthy.

It’s okay for life to be on pause. You don’t always have to be on all the time and same thing for love and romance. Yet we treat our nervous systems like they don’t require tending and collaboration. As such, you should be using your singlehood to do as much nervous system repair. Get in place systems, even if they are laughable to someone else. I have this emotional support avocado plushie, and I can put bury both hands on either side of it. There’s something about this little plushie that just makes me feel held. I don’t question it, I let it sooth me anyway. Make sure to cord cut if you feel that someone is invading your mind and thoughts post-breakup. Sometimes, you need to do a cord cut multiple times, depending on the depth of connection. This is nothing to be ashamed of.

I as a Libra sun in the 12th house, used to really struggle with feeling lonely. I have done a lot of work to confront this part of myself, and now that I am older I am more alone, but less lonely. What makes me feel less lonely is my devotion to myself and growth. Essentially having a value system that says I am worthy of good things, and details what things are most important to me, helps guide my decisions and provides energetic cushioning. Devotion to a practice, like ancestral veneration or working with deities can be incredibly stabilising. These practices, can help fill the spaces within you that crave others to fill. It can help you feel more whole AND more held in equal measure.

You need to realise that romance is an infinite source. A deep, never-ending well. As such, there is no need to beg for love, out in these streets. Taking the first piece of reasonably attractive ass you see. You need to be able to take your time. Enjoy someone afresh and observe them like crazy. Try and be in the moment. Don’t be fixated on the idea of forever. I think part of the monkey-branching can stem from, wanting this long-chain relationship because it feels like success. Haphazardly dating the way I do, can be disorienting because it makes you hyperaware of the phases you engage with others. Whereas when you never allow yourself a break, you feel like you’ve won. That you must be so desirable, that you never had to experience being unwanted. That maybe if you just secure the right one by chance along the way, you finally get to reach forever, and forget the pain of the gruelling search.

Create altars to yourself. Surround yourself in your living space with everything that brings you deep joy. If you don’t know what that is, I recommend starting with memories of what you coveted in childhood. I have patched up so many holes in my heart by facilitating experiences I wasn’t allowed to. Even the commitment of wanting to fulfil those dreams, feeds me. It makes me feel more powerful, and more nurturing. Altars to you, can be Pinterest which is one of my favourite places. This is where I curate my ideas and manifestations. This is where I meet myself over and over again by realising that I really do have a frequency I operate in. I can see in my Pinterest board that my sense of self has become amazingly solid.

Enter every single era, not like a General defeated but like someone liberated from a cult. That realisation that you can now do anything. That the world is your oyster. That while you enjoy doing for others, all you have to focus on now is yourself. Make taking care of you so fun, that you’re not impressed by crumbs. Make returning to you, a non-negotiable the moment you clock how much deference you had given to someone else. That’s how you build the muscle, until you can discern before entering some fuckery. When you are rooted in your self-concept, you will attract a whole new calibre of people. You intimidate those who don’t want to asked to do the work, for a great love or romance. You need to date with intention, and be single with intention as well. May you no longer see being single as the wait for love, but the practice of it. May every petal you place at your own feet guide you toward the arms you deserve. Asé.