Confessions of a libra

Think like a woman | Credit: Here

28.07.25

Librans are often overlooked where Air signs are concerned. The veritable middle child of the Air signs. We value Geminians for their entertainment factor. We value Aquarians for their powerful and expansive mind. I often hear people tout the intelligence of both these signs, only to say that Librans value aesthetics. As though they aren’t a part of the same suite. If you operate in anyway like me, you thrive on being underestimated. If you’ve never considered that being underestimated can be your greatest strength, let me be the one to reframe this for you. If you’re smart, you’ll never underestimate a Libra. I have seen even the Libran mean girls, outlast the Gemini ones. All Air signs are considered to be flirty, but what gives Libra an edge is Libra is seductive.

Many Librans know how to seduce any outcome they want to produce. What makes me lethal personally though, is my calm. As I have explained, part of it is very much cultural from my Zimbabwean roots. We tend to watch people talk, let them explain themselves instead of rushing to save them. We are taught to let people dig their own graves. But it doesn’t make every Zimbabwean good at it either. I definitely am. While manipulators see themselves as playing chess, I am studying the board. The first thing I would recommend, is to learn as much as you can about manipulation. What it looks like, listen to anecdotes and learn to understand the verbiage behind it. You would be surprised how much having the language for something you experience, can help you do something about it.

Manipulation is simply a game of control. I have always found it useful to think of the duality of life. For someone to lead, there must be followers. For someone to control, there must be people available to control. I recall being 17, realising that I was pouring into people and receiving less than crumbs. It made me realise I had to grieve because up until then, I always assumed the goodness of my heart and actions would carry me through life. That if I wasn’t born into the kind of love I would have hoped, I could radiate and thereby manifest it. Essentially I settled on this understanding. You eat or you be eaten. There were always going to be takers, there were always going to be givers. Which means the one thing I can control, is how much I give. This was the advent of my cut-off game, which now over a decade later is an artform I have perfected – and no longer apologise for.

Needing to control everything is a sign of insecurity. You inherently believe that things will not work out, so you feel the need to get your hands dirty and orchestrate. I personally, would rather orchestrate my own freedom in this society and my own ecstasy, but some people are playing really small thinking they are playing in the big leagues. As someone who has been sharpening my ability to handle psychological torment my entire life, I believe women to be better manipulators than men. By a long mile.

Yes, I have met male manipulators too. But I have watched so many men be played by women. It’s always the sweetest looking women too. A little tear and vulnerability here, and men fold. Especially if the woman is attractive or if they are getting sex of it. Women, with their well-utilised frontal lobes – are masters of strategy. Women will cry, invent whole ecosystems of information that never really occurred and of course, something I am currently dealing with – triangulation. Manipulators will use triangulation to alienate you from others. They enjoy recruiting others, having allies, influencing perceptions and slowly but surgically, they try to isolate you.

There is someone trying to do this to me right now, but she doesn’t know she’s messing with the wrong one. I know she reads my blog, and that’s checkmate as far as I am concerned. There’s a difference between someone who enjoys tea and someone who mines gossip for strategic moves. You should actually always be wary about people always in other people’s business. I don’t have to go seek information about people, it comes to me. That already puts me ahead, and more in control.

When I meet manipulators – especially the women – they detest the natural charm and pull I have socially. But they believe they can manufacture it. So they go around, forming alliances. Picking on weaker willed people (sorry) to lean on and use as pawns. They will shower you in attention, and if you are not conscious you will be grateful. Yet, if you stopped serving your purpose, they would sacrifice you without a second thought.

You’ll know someone is trying to use you when they are constantly making little digs about people, because they are trying to alter your perception. Here are some examples you might hear from a manipulator, before you have interacted with their chosen target. “Just be careful with Thando… she can be… intense, sometimes” Translation: I want you to meet Thando and immediately be suspicious of her natural self-expression. “I’m worried she’s not coping, do you think she seems off?” Translation: I am trying to harm her, but I need help making her the villain not the victim.

When people don’t invite you to events because, we thought you’d be tired. “You’re just in a league of your own, you wouldn’t possibly want to do anything with us…” Do you see how that is almost imperceptible? You would be forgiven for seeing this behaviour and taking it as face value, because you probably don’t think like a manipulator. Here’s the thing, you have to learn how they think to survive them. I have had triangulation happen to me in schools, friendships and even more so, workplaces.

There is always a racial element too, that people would be uncomfortable with me pointing out. A lot of people’s behaviour towards me has to do with the fact that they don’t think I deserve it. They don’t think I deserve to be seen as beautiful. To be adored by men across racial lines. To be valued for my intellect. To be socially magnetic. This hurts no one more than White women, because they are used to being at the top of the social totem pole. The way they viscerally cannot stand my radiance, especially if they feel that my magnetism somehow ‘encroaches’ on their territory it is almost laughable. We both know that if I was White, these women wouldn’t have the balls to carry on like a pork chop.

First thing I do when I recognise that someone is trying to play underhanded games with me, is remove access. Manipulators thrive on getting a reaction out of you. If you’re lucky, they might escalate it to a point of outing themselves, because they keep thinking they just need to push a little harder. If this is someone I would normally spend intentional time with outside of obligation, I stop that immediately. When they try and set social traps for me – especially ones where I walk in without having been given the information needed to be in that environment – I just pivot.

I am naturally very adaptable. That is what happens when you’ve moved house more than you can count. When you’ve moved continents. When you’re a Zillenial and you don’t believe in staying at a dead-end job. My life has demanded that I stay pliable. If I had to put everything in a storage locker today and live out of a suitcase, I wouldn’t blink an eye because I have already done it. So, when manipulators ambush me with information I was supposed to know, but they ensured not to loop me in – I just pretend I didn’t notice and keep it pushing. If this information threatens to bite me because I didn’t know it, I will weaponise that so fucking quick.

If you deal with a manipulator in a workplace environment, man or woman – start logging interactions with dates and times. In fact, just do that for your own protection anyway. You need to stop apologising for yourself and for just existing. When you do that, you take away a lot of power the manipulator has, and it keeps them chasing their tail. Manipulators cannot compete with a strong self-concept. They also cannot compete with you having very strong, non-negotiable boundaries. If you can avoid them completely, do. I am so strategic, I would re-route my drive home if it meant avoiding a manipulator. I don’t see that level of work, and pivoting to be annoying. It’s not only survival but it protects my peace. And my peace is of the utmost importance.

You show up anyway, and you still be a good person. Maybe it’s my ego, but since I was a child when people try to push me down it has the exact opposite effect. It makes me walk with my chest puffed out more, back straighter and chin higher-up. I find that kind of challenge thrilling. Oh, you wanna play? Let’s play. Your insecurity is not going to make me hate myself more. I would rather hate you, than hate me and that’s a FACT. My ancestors haven’t walked with me this closely so I could fall by the wayside, waiting for someone to crown me.

Manipulators will make you mistrust your own memory and instincts. You might have been there and experienced the same conversation with a person. Then, when that person leaves, they change the intent or meaning behind the conversation to suit their warped minds. They will make you feel like you were already agreeing, and sometimes make you feel complicit before you had even made a decision on where you stood. Manipulators LOVE a guilt trip. This one many of us have first experienced with family before the outside world.

When people invoke having birthed you as an excuse for treating you poorly, and when they posture you as selfish so you keep overextending yourself. My entire childhood I was called selfish. But I remember all the cooking I did for adults as a child, the times I lovingly protected my brother from things within the family and in the outside world or even the way I took care of my grandmother. It took my growing, and gaining a better self-concept to realise it was never about me being selfish. It was about keeping me subservient. I always got called selfish when I appropriately thought of myself too, or when I acted like others around me who weren’t as selfless as I.

One way I enjoy responding to guilt trips is by saying, ‘if that’s what you want to think’. It just shuts everything down. When I broke up with the Gemini from my very first ever blog post, he said I never loved him. Because I wouldn’t be breaking up with him if I did. He had a whole habit of regressing to childish tactics when he was upset. I remember looking at him, cool as a cucumber and saying just that. If that’s what you want to think. If that’s what makes you happy to believe, then so be it. Not my words. Yours.

Geminis by the way are the number 1 on my list of manipulators in the zodiac hands down. It always irks me because their tactics either don’t work, or don’t work for long on me. They work waaay too well on others though. Having to be in the same vicinity as a Gemini like that, for someone with my knowing and metacognition, is like being a part of the world’s worst reality TV show. Manipulators love stonewalling to punish you. This one I give to the Leos. They think if they stop shining their light on you, you will crumble. That’s because people like that – whether Leo or otherwise – are projecting. THEY would crumble if you stopped talking to them. THEY would feel insignificant and unimportant not in the spotlight or your spotlight.

So what feels hurtful in the beginning, can liberate you when you realise you can do that too. If someone starts ignoring me from nowhere, even if we were really good friends up until that point – I ignore them too. I know, you’re thinking but don’t you want to know why they are doing that? Yes and no. If I haven’t figured it out immediately (I can make really good inferences based on available data), then I just do a tarot reading on it. And because my mind is wired to investigate it’s not just that I can do readings. It’s I know the right questions to ask. I have accidentally unearthed incest in a family, when following a line of questioning about something I was curious about.

You essentially don’t want me to zero-in on you, if you are a manipulator. Once I am using spirit to deduce your actions, we will not only unearth the things pertaining to me but I will read your life to filth. I will pick up on every unresolved Daddy issue you have, and connect it to those things you said over brunch. Then, I rest my case. I don’t need to talk to you about it. The thing with secure people and closure is – closure to me isn’t contingent on another person. When I block you, that is my closure. When you are in a room and I act like you are not there, that is my closure. It means a sentence has already been passed, and the gavel came down. Beautiful, sweet finality.

A lot of manipulators, cannot help but mimic you. The things you say, your interests, your goals and dreams. The thing is, authenticity makes you win without trying. A manipulator may be able to infiltrate your first few layers of defence because they mimicked you. They made you feel like you found your ‘twin’. Don’t be upset if this happens to you. My rule of thumb in life is, if I notice I have to act. Part of why I give people so many chances is likely my Taurus moon. The Taurus in me hates change. The Taurus in me doesn’t want to make flippant decisions about people. So yes, sometimes I notice but wait to stack up more data. Very typical Libran trait too. I let it stack until it reaches my own personal limit, which I won’t quantify right now but I know it intrinsically. Once we reach that limit and I cut you off, it is final. You think if I could cut off my own family, I wouldn’t cut you off?

The best protection for manipulators is anticipating their moves. I don’t have to know the exact move, I just have to know that their insatiable hunger and overestimated intelligence, makes them want to keep trying. If you are spiritual, making sure to cleanse on a regular basis to wash away grotty residue of their evil eye. Make sure you limit where possible, how much surveillance that person has on you. If you can restrict their access on social platforms, do so. If someone is trying to tear you down, do both mirror work affirmations and glamour magick. Pump yourself up, so that even if you take a small hit, you will recover very quickly. Let yourself express your ideas on a public forum even with the manipulator present. Do not let anyone block your throat chakra.

When you figure out someone in a vicinity you cannot control is a manipulator, don’t try to oust them. If you know you have people you can trust, sure tell them. But don’t do an equal campaign, trying to find people on side. Here’s the thing. I ALWAYS win over dirty manipulation games because I don’t flinch. I don’t care because I don’t put any value in someone like that. I have a pretty tight value system. Someone like that would NEVER earn my adoration.

They are just playing in the wrong dimension entirely from me. I find them, boring and exhausting mostly. When all else fails with a manipulator, don’t say anything and don’t look at them. Keep them at arms-length and people will flock to you. Maybe not immediately, but even the allies a manipulator makes, are temporary. Once they are clocked, people will remember that you said nothing but clocked everything. People will feel safe to divulge their experiences because you weren’t out for blood.

Manipulators see my influence and think they have a mask available in their repertoire to take my place. People have often used me as their confidante. Not even people I am close to. I give people the impression that I am trustworthy and safe, so people respond to me accordingly. I have been told by many people that what they just told me is something they haven’t told their; partner, brother, mother or best friend. That means the world to me. I am like this intentionally. I want people to be more raw, so I model it. No matter what continent or planet I end up, people know I am a real one. That just cannot be faked. To the ones who stay radiant while being surrounded by rot, may your light stay sharp. May you wield your beauty, grace and intelligence to run circles around the people who always doubted you. Asé.