Confessions of a libra

True Decadence | Credit: Here

27.07.25

They taught you to starve to find God, but Hedon never lived in famine. Hedon thrived in feasts, flute songs and sweat between the thighs. I am a self-proclaimed hedonist, unsurprising with my heavy Venusian energy. Unencumbered by religious guilt, I thrive on orchestrating my pleasure, allowing room for mischief. I own everything I orchestrate as in service to me, and my highest good. I am a wild thing, so the only feasible option for me, was to embrace it. When I stay too long in groundedness, I eventually explode. Satiating long-held hungers in destructive ways. So instead, I ration it. Yet, never at the price of bliss. To me, the body isn’t the enemy of spirit. It is the altar. My body is deserving of pampering, of excess and stimulation.

There are many brands of religions and spiritual groups who believe that God can only be accessed through trial and hellfire, pun intended. It is an important show of faith, I agree to have discipline over earthly pleasures. I believe this mentality is something we should all carry into other areas of our lives. We should be regularly rotating through being strict and pruning an area of life, to keep vibrating at the highest level. I want people to embrace restriction when that feels like the natural path to salvation, and embrace excess when that is the best path to liberation. Even in the Bible, Jesus was turning water into wine. A little turning up isn’t going to hurt you if you embrace it and actively ensure your own safety.

Pan, is a wild God of Greek Mythology. Out of the Greek Pantheon, Pan is the only male God I have ever taken any interest in. He is the archetypal Satyr (late-stage depiction). As a God, he presides over; fields, flocks of sheep, rustic music, ecstatic abandon and fertility. Pan existed outside Olympian decorum as a wild, uncontainable force. He refused silence or domestication. I too feel I was born with rebellion woven in my cells. I knew there was nothing wrong with sex the way religion tried to make me believe. It seemed to me, that he cracked the code on how life is truly meant to be lived. I didn’t know if I wanted to be Pan in the stories, or one of the Nymphs he chased like a thirsty man runs for a drop of salvation.

I believe that people whose doctrines teach this ‘the poor must humble themselves before the lord’ shtick, are trying to keep you poor. As someone with eyes and ears, finding out how many pastors were allowing their congregations to suffer financially in the name of the church. Pastors guilt-tripping or threatening church members into tithing, even if those threats are purely existential. Let me share with some life philosophies that embody the way I believe, Pan would live if he lived his life in a human body.

Mixed in with the kind of practicality that allows me to initiate you into a pleasureful way of live, as opposed to ending up an addict living beneath a bridge. The first port of call to get straight is, you deserve to exist because you were already born here on this planet, at this point in time. You do not have to earn your way into love. You do not have to feel guilt for things most humans would do if they had the opportunity to. As you have a right to exist, you have a right to indulgence. Let’s be clear though that I said indulgence, not recklessness.

Just like you have no choice but to experience night AND day, just like you cannot control the menstrual cycle and just like you cycle through all the emotions a human can experience several times over in a lifetime – you will restrict and you will indulge. What you must learn is, what are the things worth indulging in. How can I allow myself to take liberties, that make me feel like I do more than just exist – without compromising my ability to show up from myself? This is the basis of my personal philosophy.

As someone deprogramming from religion earlier on, I did a lot of shadow work surrounding shame. Shame is us demonising ourselves for our actions. And while it feels righteous at the time, like penance even – it is not productive. It will keep you in a cycle. Anything I have ever tried to push down, comes up as a consequence. It is part of the laws of nature, the pendulum swing. So learning to be honest about what behaviours you partake in that you are or are not proud of, is important. Think of this as self-dialogue.

Like many people, at some point I realised I was drinking at a faster rate than I care to consume alcohol. I am also a Taurus moon and while it might be funny to you, the amount of times I have gotten ready to go out then given up and napped, is astronomical. I’m not wired for that kind of good time. I will have all the best intentions, but if getting ready takes too long then my window of interest in the venture also closes – in favour of pyjamas and bed. This might surprise some of you who have met me and know me as the life of the party. If I was still operating from a place of pleasing people I want to be friends with, I would still be going out clubbing on a regular basis for the pleasure of others.

I pace myself quite intentionally with alcohol because of the effect it has on my body. That’s just the adult thing to do. I enjoy unwinding with herbal joints. Sometimes the act of smoking can be very meditative and you might not be interested in tobacco. Though if the ancestral craving hits, I will have some snuff. I maximise my pleasure where food is concerned. My relationship with food is one I consider to be enriching. I’m moderately health-conscious but it would do me no favours to calorie-count. Firstly, I have no will to micromanage my food like that. Secondly, my African upbringing gave me a really good blueprint on how to eat healthy. If I am struggling with eating unhealthily, that is squarely a me-problem. I know what to cook and eat. I was raised eating whole foods freshly cooked, so when all else fails I go back to the basics. My indulgence for me comes with how I balance pleasure-seeking and nourishment.

My Taurus moon tenets tell me, that I deserve only the best things to land on my tongue. I have cultivated a good instinct that guides me with new foods I have never attempted. I have flavour-profiles logged in my head and overtime, I associate certain flavours together which guides me in experimenting with new flavour combinations. Where possible, stacking all my favourite flavours in one go to maximalise the experience is my go-to. If I have to get up off my lazy Taurus moon arse to cook, I’d better fucking enjoy what I am eating. When you’re a Taurus moon, people get upset when you only nourish yourself because the food is to die for.

Cooking is a necessity but the way it has been wielded as a weapon against women like myself, makes me hyper conscious of who I share that gift with. Meal times are incredibly sacred to me, whether you can see it or not. If I choose to share my sustenance with you, if I choose to cook for you or with you in mind – there’s no greater intimacy to me. That is why when you eat something I made with intention, it tastes like a blessing. Regular sexual activity is healthy. Though I cannot always have a sexual partner to partake in my pleasure. As I have stated it is normal for me to go anywhere from one to a few years without a sexual partner depending on what is happening in my life at the time. I am unwilling to have sex with just anyone, especially to face disappointment – only to scratch that itch.

This is why I kept masturbating despite the fact that it did nothing for me, for at least the first 5 years. The issue wasn’t that I didn’t know how to. The issue was my body didn’t feel safe, and up until then I dissociated quite easily. Once I worked on that through shadow work, I eventually could enjoy being in my body and everything that comes with. Ideologically, I am unopposed to you purchasing the services of a sex worker when you are feeling that craving to have sex. I’d almost prefer you did that, than sleep with random people and potentially get an STI. I actually think if more men were unashamed about their utilising of said services – while respecting the bodies that give said service – it would be healthy for society.

While incels think we should make marriage mandatory to feed them with their coveted supply, I think they should either learn to be like the men who get the women or unashamedly solicit those services and keep it pushing. Sex is only a human right insofar as you are allowed to have it without shame. It is NOT a right in the sense that you get to coerce, demand or extract sexual activity from another because you feel entitled to it.

Hedonism is an artform. True hedonists aren’t greedy, they are simply curators of bliss. Instead of pretending I am above earthly pleasures, I simply allow myself room for these pleasures. In fact, I got into a little game where I tried to find a genuine positive outlook to explain things I was interested but unsure how to justify. What playing this little game taught me, is how much shame is taught not inherent. This is why I advise people to learn about other cultures. Not so you can lord this over others, but because learning how different cultures that don’t exhibit that same shame – talk or philosophise about it – breeds a new understanding. One you can also root yourself in, shedding centuries of conditioning.

As a part of my hedonism, comes the art of slowness. I am a Taurus moon, so I want pleasure to ruin me slowly. I eat slowly, because I enjoy it. When I smoke, it gets even slower. Sometimes more messy. All the time, it’s a sensual journey that I am very much present for. I will eat food sensuously not for anyone but myself. Simply because I enjoy my own sensuality. I move slower and with more intention when I’m high. I feel like my lungs demand that I take deeper breaths. I often don’t need external reminding when I am in that state, to guide me through returning to my body. It just happens, and I welcome it every time.

I like my pleasure slow, ruinous and stacked onto other types of pleasures. Listening to music, eating my sour strips with the heater on might sound terribly dull to you, but that is my version of ecstasy. I don’t need much, but the things I do need mean something to me. Every pleasure I am devoted to, serves me in some way. I am actively enriching my life, instead of trying to stomp out the flames of passion. My hedonism, explains why I have always been into particular mythological beings; Nymphs, Satyrs, Fauns, Vampires, Sirens, Gumiho and Fae. It is also why I love; Pan, Oshun and Aphrodite/Venus. I always saw myself in these beings and in their choices. I was following a thread that led directly back to me.

So, I turned this information and made it practical to my lived experience in the modern world. I enjoy being cheeky, I enjoy having long and intense love affairs. I would shake my ass, literally in any setting because rhythm is healing and my body is a conduit. I try and encourage people to loosen up more when I meet them. Just dance because the music is good, don’t be out here worrying who thinks you look like what. It boggles the mind, that someone would willingly allow that much real estate in their head for other people.

Make joy your altar. Make it the hill you die on. Not whining and whingeing about the state of the world so you can feel holier than thou. Your joy and pleasure are a form of rebellion in a capitalist, patriarchal world. You do not have to die with the ship. This is not that kind of party. It’s easy especially for White Westerners to become nihilistic. That’s because White people haven’t faced the length and depth of displacement that comes with being a person of colour, as they are the privileged class so to speak. Marginalised communities have long faced generational instability based on the actions of the privileged class. Many of our coping strategies surround the very aspects of our culture that were oppressed during colonisation. Many of marginalised communities have similar practices to keep them afloat; humour as a right or as resistance, oral traditions and traditional music. This is why marginalised joy is resistance, not trivial.

All this to say, you don’t get a medal for giving up on existence. For deciding that everything is meaningless, because you’ve failed to find the meaning. It is actually a privileged way of thinking. As I always say, we have a lot more autonomy than we want to believe. You can still ascribe your own meanings to things. You can make changes where generations before you had failed. You do not have to follow your parent’s script or your local community if it clashes with your soul. Prioritise your pleasure because you can. Because you do not have to suffer if, you do not want to. Because you cannot control life but you can control your reactions. You can choose to see positive meaning instead of negative or neutral. Let those wild thoughts sing. Ride your pleasures, following each one like GPS, as you map out your internal pleasure castle. May the wild Gods answer when you call. In the name of Hedon.