Confessions of a libra

Power speaks for itself | Credit: Here

20.07.25

Soft power to me is about seducing someone into submission. Charming your target into wanting to please you. When you master soft power, you never have to raise your voice to get what you want. And best of all, you never have to ask twice. It is an artform, to let your tone and your eyes seep past someone’s defences and straight to their servitude kink. We humans were made to serve and worship. Everyone has the impulse built-in. What we are not born for, is blind obedience – though this can be manufactured for a time – so we naturally want to let the most confident person to lead.

The reason I find soft power to be simple for me to express, is because that describes a cultural philosophy that we have in Southern Africa as previously described on this blog. Not just for the Southern African women but for the men as well. Where we come from, we value quiet strength. I may seem very Western in much of my mindset, but in this I am entirely African. This is why when I make Australian friends, they can be quite perplexed to the types of people that draw my attention. The way I am wired isn’t to overlook silence. I am wired to read between the lines of every gaze, every posture and every twitch of the finger. There is something incredibly seductive about a man who doesn’t (just) claim to be protective but when shit goes down, he puts his body directly between you and the threat. That, to me is the aphrodisiac of the highest order.

As with many things soft power is something I have honed and perfected simply because I wanted to. I already had the natural inclination to command, but I needed to bring more finesse into it. I already had the inclination to be calm in the face of conflict, but I needed to learn not to take it personally anyway. To let that calm be an anchor and embrace it, consciously. When I want something from a man, a colleague or anyone of any hierarchy, I think about coaxing it out of them. I also have a lot of patience to elicit the kind of reactions that I want from people. If I want something out of you that you are still unsure about, I will gently lay the ground work in conversation.

I will posit my (clearer) thoughts on the matter to plant the seed. I will have debates with you not to win you over by force, but to force your mind into greater awareness. This will speed up your decision making, and make the topic less taboo. As I have said previously, I truly believe with my Aries descendant, that I was a war strategist in a past life. My first love was a man who liked to smoke cigarettes. I absolutely detested the habit and he knew it. It was a quandary for me, because it was disgusting enough to be a deal-breaker. But my mind doesn’t work in black and whites, no matter how much I try to convince myself it does.

We start having debates about it back and forth. I mentioned that my uncle (mother’s brother) had been smoking since he was a teen, and as a result had yellowed teeth and fingertips. I may be sensitive but these visual markers, reminded me of the effects of smoking on the body. I had always carried this subconscious fear that he would one day die from smoking. Every time I saw those fingers and those teeth. He held firm in the discussions (he was a libra too). I gathered from our discussions that he was more married to the idea of rebelling through cigarettes than the cigarettes themselves. He had told me that his last ex had asked him to stop smoking too and he agreed. Only to keep smoking behind her back.

To me, this was despicable and I told him as such. I told him she probably dumped him because of that very warped way of thinking. I didn’t validate his little ego trip, about being someone who lacks integrity. Within a few weeks, he came to me one day when I was minding my own business. Stated that he had heard me in our discussions, and was now ready to make the decision of his own volition. He said he knew I was right that he needed to stop smoking, but needed to argue it out anyway. That’s perfectly fine with me, this is typical of air and fire signs. I also will argue while being wrong, because that’s likely that’s how I leant I was wrong in the first place. I was 19 at this stage of our relationship, he was 21.

This was a fantastic example of my soft power. I didn’t yell at him. I always presented my opinions calmly and with logic. If it got too heightened, I didn’t engage after that. What this did is, it removed the wiring in him that felt excitement at rebelling. He then had to look at himself and ask himself what exactly he was running from, especially if I wasn’t chasing him. This relationship actually provided me with plenty of opportunities for me to flex this power. As he was an air sign, all he needed really was for me to appeal to his logic, without making him feel like an idiot.

Soft power isn’t actually submissive nor is it passive. It is deliberate, and it works best when you are confident in yourself. Soft power is silk hiding steel, a dagger disguised as a ribbon. When you need something from someone, you can ask while making it a suggestion. I go into interactions personally expecting that anything I ask for is reasonable and should be fulfilled. As such, I ask without my voice shaking and leaving no room to question my intent. That subconsciously primes the interaction. I love using a soft speaking voice when I want something. I am repelled by yelling, it is not attractive to me to yell for any reason, least of all to get what I want. I want to be able to look you square in your eyes, maybe slightly beneath my lashes and say, ‘would you be so kind as to reach up and grab that wine glass for me?’.

I will thank you with my sly smile, might even compliment your height or your muscles while I am at it. Now you’re happy and beaming and I got my wine glass. This approach you can use in intimacy, leadership or social warfare. Learning how to make requests that are essentially commands, is a valuable skill. If I enter a room while all the men are sitting, if I truly want to sit down I will approach one of them and ask. This might horrify some women. Why not go outside and go find another chair? Why not sit on the floor? I am a grown woman, and I am likely speaking to a grown man. If he doesn’t want to do something, he can say no.

The thing is, most people don’t receive what they want in life because they are too timid to ask. Surely it couldn’t be them that the universe would want to gift, as a single human out of 8 billion. That’s a lack mindset. I operate in abundance. I deserve good things because I am a good and loving person. If I ask and don’t receive, maybe there was something better around the corner. Everything is working out for me. I’ve learnt enough about male psychology to know what weaknesses men have. Some men simply want more women around them to need them. It makes them feel useful. It can sound silly to you, but you don’t have to understand why. You only need to acknowledge the need.

I build rapport as a way of facilitating my needs. If I show you that I am a safe person, who cares about your needs (hence why I memorise a lot about other people), then I am more likely to receive. This is once again, all about emotional deposits, rather than manipulation. To let someone lead, or guide you through action – you must trust their leadership. It always boggles the mind how many people don’t realise that you need to be able to follow, if you want to lead. Sometimes people use their soft power on me. I let them, because I also have an innate need to please. I won’t do it for just anyone, though.

When you build professional rapport with people from different departments, if you ever need anything in that department – you’ll have a much easier time getting it. Another thing you can do professionally is stating your ideas with confidence. It never bothers me when I suggest something more efficient and my suggestion isn’t taken up right away. I know that if I stay silent, the power of my suggestion as the inefficiencies cause problems, will make people circle back. I sit. I watch. I wait.

Soft power isn’t all about waiting, but I think it’s deadlier because it doesn’t overtly demand that you give a pound of flesh. Instead it implants the idea, and now you’ve never wanted to give a pound of flesh more. Most recently I had an interaction with a woman in retrospect, I was asserting dominance without even realising it. She was telling me about a book she was a reading by a celebrity we both respect. I told her to read the book then summarise it for me. I did this while I was standing looking down at her, and after complimenting all my favourite things about her aesthetic. It was only later that evening, recalling the tone of my voice and the soft command of telling her what to do, that I realised what I had done.

When you utilise your soft power, you evoke desire. One of my favourite things to do is ask for something I need, then assert how much that usefulness is attractive to me. I drop the hint, that this behaviour pleases me greatly. I have even said outright, ‘aw look at you, so useful’ and meant every word. Acts of service are real currency with me. Too many people have a big mouth. They think it’s in the talking and posturing that the real work is. As someone who is psychic and I can read your fake energy from just a laugh alone, actions to me are the gold standard. I will know if you care about me, not by what you say but by what you do.

Recently I had someone care enough about sentimental lost objects, so much so as to not only look for them and get as many eyes on it as possible. I reward alignment and in that moment it was finally someone saying I see you’re upset, and I will do something about it. So, I rewarded him with baked goods. As a Taurus moon, what I want more than your promises is your aligned actions. I want to know that I can rely on you if I need. Your fancy words about your grand plans, mean nothing to me if I don’t see anything materialise. I prioritise actioning my needs, because my needs give me emotional security.

I find a lot of men especially tend to lead from loudness and aggression. They believe the most promises, intimidation and pretence are what good leadership looks like. What it tells me, is that you are crude and unrefined. If it doesn’t take all that for me to get what I want, why do you need to do a whole song and dance? People have always been envious that I can get what I want in from many people, in different walks of life. Yet many did not have the patience and will to learn about human behaviour the way I have. When you are loud and aggressive to get what you want, it tells me that you feel entitled, rather than that you are competent. So you do what insecure people do, increase your posturing. As in nature, you hope that if you make the most noise and puff up your chest to create this big shadow – you can stay safe from danger. The danger here, is being dethroned.

As someone whose strategy involves a lot of silence, asking once for what I want and letting the chips fall where they may, has always given me the last laugh. The loudest energy always gets heard first, that is correct but don’t let that deter you. While the other person was heard first, your power and your requests were logged viscerally in the system. You didn’t have to shock anyone’s nervous system to be heard. So in the dark of night, or when the original plan goes tits-up, it’s you people remember. The quiet pillar of strength. Learning to play the long game is about playing chess and not checkers. Loud, dominant people tend to be super reactive. This makes them more likely to be running around apologising after themselves, rectifying past errors. I see this the most in the loudest of the so-called ‘alpha’ males.

Yes, soft power can be used to manipulate. It can be someone’s whole personality, especially where women are concerned. Soft power in the wrong hands is the reason why men can feel resentful about the power women can wield over men. Soft power is not exclusive to women, but no one can wield it better. A great way for women to start practicing asking for what they want, and making soft commands is with their partners. If you don’t think you can play with your partner, or make requests then there is a whole other host of issues to address. I never argue with a partner when I am too emotionally heightened. I simply refuse, it’s in my value system. I wait to calm down, and discuss it when I am calm.

This is my way of softly controlling how arguments go. I refuse to be in a screaming match with anyone, let alone a man – so why would I facilitate this? When I argue with partners, and they start raising their voice, I tell them that they have to lower their voice if they are speaking to me. My partners aren’t allowed to have violent outbursts in front of me. I have a lot of trauma and I refuse to let your lack of self-control and self-regulation penetrate my psyche. There is a code of conduct to be in my presence. It creates safety for me, and anyone who claims to care about my wellbeing, will do what I need to keep the environment shielded from harm.

In skilled hands soft power can be liberation. It liberates the one doing it, by choosing a script that doesn’t beg nor intimidate. It liberates the one receiving the dominance or power because it hits that inner craving to please. Combined with positive body language, compliments specific to the person and reciprocity, you have a recipe for success. Don’t mistake anyone’s softness for weakness. Do not mistake it for safety either. The most elegant killers are the ones whose hands remain clean. May you find someone who scratches your service kink so well, it makes you want to worship at the altar of their body. Ameen.