Confessions of a libra

Grow through experience | Credit: Here

19.07.25

Over the years there have been more people and incidents. A girl who wasn’t ready to admit she was in a co-dependent and abusive relationship with her other female friend. A sociopathic Scorpio woman who tried to feel relevant by getting close to me under the guise of being socially aware. Cosplaying poor while using Daddy’s money, leaving women in sexually unsafe situations, competing over desirability by sleeping with anything that sniffed her way and finding joy in my pain. If she ever reads this, I still remember the day you asked me to go out for sticky date pudding in South Yarra and you tried to do that crocodile tears routine with me. I’ll never forget it. You shouldn’t either.

There was a Virgo South Asian girl who wielded her trauma to bond to people. She hoped to keep people under her thumb that way, by reminding you that she was a victim. I met her on a Facebook group for Black/African women (don’t ask). We proceeded to be friends after that because I chose to overlook that beginning for the glaring red flag it was. True to form, this girl wanted to cosplay being Black and thrived off of proximity to Blackness like it was a second skin. Utilising her Black friends and boyfriend as social currency. That friendship taught me what it looks like to be ungrounded in your identity. It taught me the cost of victimhood, deferring to men and lacking a backbone.

I have been the pawn for Mixed (Black and White specifically) people’s identity politics. Especially if I make multiple Mixed friends at the same time. I become currency for their proximity to their Blackness but they play these underhanded games through me to each other, because they want to out-do each other on whatever they are fixated on. Typically it has to do with wanting to be seen as the most beautiful or the most embracing of their Blackness. It’s happened enough times now that I will be very wary moving forward. I am not someone’s experiment.

Virgos and Taureans are the most common friendships I have let go of. For Taureans the main reasons are; Taureans don’t want change and they don’t want to listen. They would rather believe their delusions. They are also selfish, but believe spending money on you counts as intimacy. Virgo women get really fixated on me. Some of them have been borderline stalking me, stealing my personality, sexually assaulting me and picking men over me. A lot of them were not so secretly slandering me, or talking badly about my sexual autonomy because they find it confronting. They want to be praised for being virginal, so they hate if I am praised for embracing my sexuality. Both sets of earth signs (add Cancer women too) value their romantic relationships over their platonic ones. Which makes them disappointing friends.

Virgo women have categorically taught me that women can happily uphold misogyny. They taught me how containment can lead to a spill, an even bigger mess. A lot of Virgoans are constantly oscillating between restriction and mess. Ex-Capricorn friends have taught me that you can perform empathy and friendship then just walk away at will. Ice cold, even if you do feel something – it’s not how it comes across. You’ve taught me that you can view people as conveniences and act accordingly. The moment, they are no longer convenient you let it go, instead of fighting for it.

My ex-Aries friends taught me what being a selfish brat looks like, while desperately acting sanctimonious about that same behaviour. So spoiled you’ll never see it, you’ll just be in a corner crying for attention. My ex-Leo friends taught me the difference between being passively selfish and being actively selfish. Leos are ALWAYS actively selfish. They are just more interested in defending themselves or confusing you, to throw you off the scent. They would rather tell you what you want to hear, than change. They would abuse you and never take accountability. They are probably abusing you as I write this. Any ex-Pisces friends I have had, have taught me the value in having a backbone. It is utterly frustrating dealing with someone who doesn’t have one. Also too comfortable with messy behaviour. No thank you.

My ex-Libra friends taught me what it looks like to use romance and relationships to excuse being selfish. They taught me how embarrassing it is when you choose to abandon everything and everyone you knew because you’ve started dating someone new. My ex-Gemini and Scorpio friends taught me about psychological warfare. That one South-Asian Gemini who had my body shaking with anxiety when I went to see them, because they were in a silent social justice war with me – I’ll never forget the imprint on my nervous system. The Scorpios I have left behind have taught me what it looks like when someone uses sex as self-abandonment. They taught me that the shadow side of Scorpio is this deep cavern of want that they can never fill.

The most insidious friends, are the ones that took me the longest to cut off. The fact that you are not in my life anymore after we spent a decade or more together, is a serious failure. It hurts me the love I know I POURED over those years for scraps. For the illusion of friendship. The people who convinced themselves that saying the right thing is equivalent to meaning it and being a good person. The fact that you were able to suppress your jealousy enough to stay in my orbit that long, should be scary even to you. What does that say about you as a person? Why did you not grow into a more loving, understanding empathetic person?

What hurts the most is, I have always been honest about the standards to which I hold the people in my life. Many of these same friends watched me let others go, watched me hold my family to task and demand better for myself and them. Yet every single one of them thought they were the exception to the rule. They all thought, well at least she’s cutting him off and not me. Silently hoping and praying it would remain the case. That would never work, anyone close to me should know that I value growth, most of all my own. To try and stay in my orbit because you think you deserve it, instead of going to therapy is crazy work. It is simply lazy, and while you are entitled to be lazy – I’ll keep it pushing.

Friendships should be an overflowing well. There’s no point in making up noble scenarios of how much you would spoil your friends if you won the lottery, when many of you wouldn’t know how to be a good friend if it bit you on the arse. When you lack integrity as a person, it spills into every other aspect of life including friendship. When you make the split second decision to tell a white lie to your friend instead of showing up authentically, you are eroding the friendship. You can get away with it today, maybe even tomorrow. But The Ledger holds all and one day the weight of your carelessness stares at you in the mirror, when you’ve alienated those who once cared.

With every unaligned friendship I have had to leave behind, I have gotten closer and closer to the types of people I want in my life. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Every person you meet, every choice you make should be propelling your evolution. So while it is sad, that I have had to let people go, I have also learnt a lot about my personal value system through others. There’s a girl out there, let’s call her Riley who has been obsessed with hating me since high school because I dated her now husband. He was my first and I was his first. Sorry people have a history!

She’s watched me date over the years, but she cannot let go of this fixation. She taught me that I never want to be someone stuck in the past like that. I wonder what a heaviness I must be on her chest every time we are in the same room. That’s just the kind of thing I have no interest in being. A warden to the person I love. Always scanning, watching for predators to defend my turf. If I can’t have 100% trust in my partner, then what do we have and what’s the point? Don’t be scared to let people help you grow. Don’t be scared to say, this used to work for me but not anymore.

The moment you release what no longer resonates, you make room for more soul-aligned friendships. The types of friends who can meet you in your present state. Friends who will value your evolution and not resent it. The ones who clap for you with every bone in their body and tears of joy in their eyes. The ones who grow with you, the ones who show up in their totality and don’t try to hide parts of themselves from you. You deserve that. We all do. We all deserve to actually be seen by the people we choose to spend time with.

Everyone I consider to be my friend genuinely is found family. I take that shit very seriously. If you treat me right, if you’re honest with me even when you’re struggling, even when you’re not perfect – I will love you with everything I have. I will make room for your mistakes, I will adjust to your preferences and, I will be as honest as I possibly can. You don’t need to be the hottest, the richest or even the loudest in the room. You just need to have the bravery that many lack to step forward and state that you really want this friendship. You need to be honest about yourself, your consistencies and inconsistencies. And you need to be willing to make space for my growth, as I will for yours. May your friendships be enriching, fruitful and nurturing. Asé.