Confessions of a libra

Credit: Here

30.06.25

Hello, my loves. Something I would like to use my platform for, is genuinely assisting people with mental blocks. As such, I have asked my handy-dandy ChatGPT to compile the most asked questions in Australia, America & the UK from men who are feeling less than self confident. Hopefully I can provide you with some insight that lands somewhere, and allows you to facilitate change. If you ever have any questions of your own, drop them in the comments, and I will circle back and make a part 2.

👑 On Power & Performance

1. Why do I feel like I’m only valuable when I’m winning or making money?

You were socialised to feel that way by men in your life, by society and by men dead and gone. The world is changing. Women especially have changed drastically. If you can prove that you can be more then just ambition and wanting to prove yourself to others, that makes you way more attractive than most people you know. I want you to try thinking about working and making money as a game of strategy. It’s not about being the loudest. It’s not about doing the most overtime. It’s about balance. How much energy can you give for it to drive you forward towards your goals, while allowing you to explore who you are as a person outside out achievement?

If you can scale back your hours, I want you to consider experimenting with new things. What hobbies or subjects did you love when you were younger and how can you re-engage with them? What this does is, it helps you engage both your creativity and your inner child. Inner child healing, leads to a more whole self. You can become a better partner to men or women when you spend intentional time on self development, especially without shame.

2. What does healthy masculinity look like when you weren’t raised with good role models?

Many men do not have those role models in their lives one-on-one and I sincerely empathise with you. On the plus side you literally have plenty of options, it’s a matter of you not succumbing to the emotional weight of the pain. Instead of stewing privately, you find those role models online, you read books and when you encounter men you adore in real life – you make an offer. Ask them to mentor you. Ask them if you can occasionally call on them to answer questions. Ask questions when you are around them about how they handle things. The way the universe works is, once you even try to tune into a frequency, the universe meets you halfway. Like the time I bought my first car. I wanted a Suzuki Swift but I got a Suzuki Alto because that’s what was available and it was close enough. Previously I had noticed Suzuki Swifts EVERYWHERE. I never noticed the Alto’s until I made the decision to buy one. Suddenly they were everywhere. They didn’t materialise, I just tuned into their frequency.

Healthy masculinity looks like walking with ease not ego. It means when men you know make fun of you for things you enjoy, for being a simp, for caring about the climate or gender issues – you shut it down immediately. You are showing you are principled and that to be in your space, requires standards. I find many men have long friendships but lacking in morality and full vulnerability. A healthy masculine doesn’t need to compartmentalise as a form of self protection from those he loves. This is what you are working towards. You also want to write down and knuckle down on your personal values. One of mine is I always aim to be a woman of my word. If I promise something and suddenly can’t fulfil it, I let people know because its important to me. Hope that helps ❤

3. I get jealous when my partner gets attention—how do I stop taking it personally?

Shadow work. Jealousy is actually normal. What is abnormal is wanting to contort someone else to suit an issue that is squarely on your shoulders. The main rule for any negative feelings you have is, you cannot control someone else – you can only control yourself. What does this mean for you? Try to understand the root of your own jealousy before you voice it. If the need to voice it burns too strong, you need to present it as information that still needs to be dissected later on. Be honest if you don’t know what to do with the feelings because then you can workshop it together.

Here’s some questions to consider:

• Attractive people, charming people and magnetic people get attention. The same reason you were attracted to your partner, is still there now. Why does it bother you that other people see what you see? Do you not trust your partner?
• How would it feel to you, if your partner wielded their jealousy to control your movements? Who you see, how you dress and how you hold yourself, and what makes you feel beautiful? Is it fair to make someone change, for your comfortability? Or could you both tweak things together to provide shared comfort? (that’s on compromise, baby)

I also want you to consider looking up videos of people in polyamorous relationships on how they deal with jealousy. Or anyone else who has worked through their jealousy, or isn’t naturally jealous. Once you understand how other people view the same thing you deem to be painful or disrupting, you may find ways that help you shift your perspective.

4. Why does it bother me when she dresses sexy, even if I trust her?

There are a few possibilities. A part of you understands what it’s like from the perspective of a man who sees naked flesh. You know what you were like when you were single and you saw some thigh, and some boobs propped up by a sturdy bra. As such, you worry either from a place of genuine care or you worry because you secretly think you are competing with every other man out there. Therefore, you believe your position to be in danger. Here’s the thing though.

I often hear men ask why women get a massive glow-up when they have a breakup. I’ve heard incel-adjacent men saying things like, ‘well if she’d maintained her looks like she did when he first met her, then they probably wouldn’t have broken up in the first place’. What you men do not understand about women is, how high cortisol affects us. When you undermine us in ways over time in a relationship, refuse to listen, refuse to complete the chores allocated to you, refuse to decentre other people in place of your partner – you chip away at her self esteem and you raise her cortisol. This is sometimes what relationship weight comes from. It’s not always a sign of people just being happy and letting go of the need to upkeep their bodies to find a mate.

As such, your aim as a man should be to keep her cortisol levels low. I’m not saying don’t have standards yourself, but be blatantly honest about the cost of your concerns. If you were to raise them wanting an outcome where she stops dressing sexy, what if she stops entirely? What if she looses the spark, that is expressed in the creativity of her outfits? I believe it would also impede on your ability to see her as sexy. Women are sexiest when they are vibrating from self confidence. If that short skirt is what makes her feel confident on a night out, let her have it. Maybe instead, offer to be the one who picks her up from the club or the girls night.

5. Is wanting to be dominant in bed a red flag or a reflection of deep insecurity?

Neither. But not wanting to try other things, such as not being the one who is dominant for once, is a red flag that points to deep insecurity or trauma. I’ll use myself as an example. I used to think when I was quite young that I was strictly or mostly dominant. After years of shadow work, I realised it was a trauma response from having situations with men were consent was not there or was murky. What helped was getting in a relationship, with a man who made me feel safe enough that I even considered it. Without him my mind would have never gotten there. Consider anyway where your want to dominate comes from because being knowledgeable about the self is the highest honour you could give yourself. Many of our preferences anyway are based on nature vs nurture. I wouldn’t go making yourself feel bad about dominance, but learn to understand it academically, physically, sexually and spiritually. Then do the same for learning about submission. Because by engaging with both, you could learn to be a better Dom if you figure out that it really is your primary kink/need.

6. Why does being vulnerable around women feel like weakness?

Being vulnerable isn’t easy for anyone. Women’s brains have more connectivity between the hemispheres of the brain making them have greater emotional awareness. Women are also socialised to be hypervigilant about reading men. What this can feel like on the receiving end, is it can make you feel naked when a woman talks to you. Due to women’s hormones as well as their socialisation, women can lean into their own emotional intensity with a bit more ease. This emotional intensity isn’t wrong, and if you both feel the same can heighten your experiences of the attraction.

Then let’s talk about how you guys are socialised. To suppress. To mask. To allow only acceptable emotions like anger. So when you start talking to a woman about your past, your childhood, your hopes and your dreams – you are opening a door you’ve barely ever touched. The door feels almost stuck when you try and open it. And when you open it expect loud creaking (resistance) because the hinges aren’t oiled. Every time you lean into this vulnerability though, you oil those hinges. You open that door. And every time it gets easier. Here’s the important thing. Practice with your male friends first. Build emotional intimacy with men you know, then with people in general and then do it romantically.

💔 On Rejection & Self-Worth

1. I’m scared of rejection so I don’t approach women at all—how do I get past this?

Practice with intention. If you are pro-dating apps, then trying out being the one to initiate a conversation and to initiate a meetup. Learn about rejection (exposure) therapy and the benefits of it. Being told no isn’t the end of the world. Even me, who people state to be charming and alluring have also been told no. But when I want someone, I show through earnest effort that I care. There is nothing noble about pretending you don’t want something. It is a valuable skill to learn how to take rejection gracefully and pivot. It will bring you blessings. Trust.

2. Why do I only want the women who don’t want me?

Because it’s a good excuse for you to not engage emotionally, which you deem to be unsafe. So instead you chase people who don’t want you, convincing yourself that they are the answer to all your prayers, because if they reject you – you remain the victim in the story. It’s self-abandonment. You can work on this through shadow work. Particularly delve into your childhood and your relationship with both parents. Underneath the family photos, the shared holidays and the shared trauma – what did they really teach you about life through their actions. Not their words. Possibly, they taught you that love feels like trying really hard and getting rejected. You then need to reframe what love means, even if its not something that’s been modelled to you. I have done the kind of shadow work that requires me to stop my toxic cycles. So can you.

3. I feel invisible to women unless I’m being funny or impressive—why is that?

Masculinity values performance, darling. Everyone’s luminous during a performance. Thinks of male birds, trying to attract a mate. It feels right. Yet, what you really want is a woman who sees you anyway. Maybe, you need to learn to personally see the value in yourself when you aren’t performing. Only then, will you notice how women value your stillness, your patience and your kindness.

4. Why do I feel the need to test women before trusting them?

It makes you feel in control. It’s self protection, yes but its really not necessary. Let me give you a reframe. I don’t test people, I allow them to reveal themselves. And while we are in the discovery phase, there are certain things that won’t come up because of the lack of depth in the relationship. This to me, applies across the board whether romantically or platonically. The more we hang out, the more I watch you and the more you reveal yourself. The more you make me feel safe as we deepen the connection, the deeper my vulnerability. This is all about discernment. Setting traps for people and making them jump hoops to prove their love to you – is rooted in insecurity and control. It doesn’t make you smarter or better. It’s exhausting. She will get exhausted with you. She wants to know you, not complete an obstacle course to get to your heart. Learn how to read people better, so you don’t have to create these insane survival tactics that ultimately deprive you of what you seek.

I hope this was informative to you all. The goal to become you bigger, better self is about accountability. You need to be brutally honest with yourself, and you need to be wiling to be wrong. Look up professionals in their field talking about the things you want to overcome. One of my favourite people on YouTube is the Crappy Childhood Fairy. She is a therapist and she guided me through limerence. Something I never would have been able to understand, had I not engaged someone in the mental health field, even from the comfort of my own home. It’s not scary to face your demons. It’s scarier to pretend they don’t exist. May your self development journey lighten the load.