Confessions of a libra

Capacity for worship | Credit: Here

[ For those who love a multisensory experience, the song to loop for this post is Put me in a movie by Lana Del Rey ]

29.06.25

We have an innate need to worship as humans, but we have failed in the modern age to discuss it outside of religion. Worshipping is all about showing reverence, which requires you to humble yourself and de-centre your own ego. It is incredibly healing, in the same way gift giving feels very rewarding. Inherently tied to worship, is submission. The act of deferring your power to another, typically with your knowledge and consent. Without the consent, it wouldn’t be submission it would be survival and abuse. In more modern times, we have evidently decided to outsource our worship to other things; religion, social media and celebrities. Today, we focus on religion and how some of the language or expectations regarding power-play come from a deeper place than advertised.

My algorithm has been full of Christians particularly, masquerading sexual power play as religious doctrine. And one married Muslim couple whose videos are clearly advertisements of their dom/sub dynamic, the way he grabs her throat possessively in videos (her hijab on, of course). Friendly women, infantilising themselves like my song suggestion from Lana – craving a man’s dominance. The issue is when you have been raised in and programmed by religion, you think it’s just romantic to let your man speak for you while you sit there looking pretty. While it can be romantic to some, that surface level thinking is how you get taken advantage of. Especially when religion actively advocates for suppressing women’s rights.

From encouraging women to never leave relationships, asking them to sleep with their husbands despite their bodily cues, to dictating what reproductive rights makes someone worthy of heaven – any blindness to the inherent misogyny in religion is harmful to women. While a woman could approach the power dynamic with her man with the reverence it deserves, if he inherently thinks she is lesser it won’t matter. All that ‘Princess Treatment’ you think you’re receiving is a mirage. A smokescreen to placate you while other women are out there living much fuller lives. The day a conservative woman decides to talk back out of turn, or the day she asserts herself – is the day she realises the cost of lacking autonomy.

There is nothing wrong with having or engaging in what these women are doing, my issue is people attempting to be the moral police, while actively lying to themselves about what sexual humans they are. Sex doesn’t begin with your clothes off. Sex begins in the electrical current behind your words, your glances, your shortened breath, dilated pupils and soft caresses over the dinner table. Craving someone to take a control, so you have less mental processing is not unusual nor is it taboo. It’s just simply not gendered. Men can want to give control up for the same reason. In fact many people in power of any gender, can crave submission ever-the-more because they spend the rest of their lives ‘on’. This need to offload your power allows you to feel more into experiences instead of thinking into them. And we know how easy it is with the rigmarole of daily life, to get so caught up in your head you neglect your body.

Part of the very allure of sex is how is brings you into the body. It’s one of the best times to do so because of the pleasure it elicits. We have a lot less resistance to being in the body, though it is much harder for victims of previous assault. In plenty of pre-colonial, ancient cultures worship was not exclusive to deities. There was ancestral communion and worship, which is simply a celebration of our history. The people who shaped us and our genetic gifts. The wisdom keepers, the guardians who are willing to watch over us and aid us. There was worship in daily ritual. Worship through sensual and erotic worship (sacred sex rites at temples as discussed in my Sacred Prostitute: Revived post), worship of nature and the spirits who guard it.

Things like pouring libation for the ancestors, speaking to trees (as I do), cleaning your home and regular masturbation (rooted in self care not shame) is all part of worship. Worship expresses itself through ritual and surrender, which is why you’ll be asked to pray at regular intervals and attend a place of worship on a regular basis. Attendance to prayer or Mosque is sign of reverence and devotion. When you grow an appreciation for life, for your role is a thread within the tapestry – you don’t limit your capacity love out loud! In both religion and kink, there are rules that cover restriction. We can see this in how Christian women’s modest clothing, Muslim women’s hijabs and the Jewish women covering their hair when they get married.

Yet in all these communities, their religious texts also detail modesty and humility for men. On the public stage? There is barely ever any mention or discourse about where men could be failing in their modesty. Modern men don’t mind dressing for dominance, wealth and exposing their gym bodies to unsuspecting women online. Let’s not forget the unsolicited images of appendages. We all know religious men are not exempt from these actions. What this presents, is an inherent power imbalance which sexualises men’s power while silencing feminine sensuality. It then forms the basis of religious people’s sexuality and sexual preferences. Religious men for example are being forced to deny their sexual impulses by controlling their gaze, guarding their thoughts which is a denial kink. This is are essentially edging.

Women covering their bodies, maintaining their ‘purity’ as defined by religion – is erotic concealment. I, as a sovereign sexual being actually enjoy a certain level of modest dress. Not for the modesty itself but for the way it makes me feel, the way the clothes hang over my body and most of all – for the tease. I enjoy being able to provide innocence to the right environments, then completely transform in a sexual environment. It is a form of powerplay via mystique. The fact that everyone really wants to know what’s under there. This is something I have seen with religious people.

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Modesty has never actually worked to keep religious people sexless before marriage, faithful during partnership or sexually satisfied once they reach the desired goal of union. What it has done in many cases, is create sexual deviancy. We see this in Priests with their incredible patterns of sexual abuse, Pastors having scandals with church members, religion used as an excuse to justify child marriages, conversion therapy masquerading as healing and female genital mutilation. There is a woman who posted on Tiktok four days ago going viral for stating that she wears a day collar as a daily symbol of submission to her husband. As an ‘out of the bedroom thing’.

What they are doing is just a dom/sub dynamic. She willingly gives her husband the power because in her words, “I fully rely on my man to protect us mentally, physically, spiritually. I fully trust him to the point where I am actively submitting to him”. She believes he is worth giving that power to, because she trusts him. She is showing her worship with the collar. He is receives the loyalty and domination he craves. I don’t know how she expects us to think this dynamic would stop in the bedroom. Even if she theoretically took it off before they became sexually intimate. This woman is one of many women I have been seeing lately advertising their not-so-secret kink.

One more example that is also very recent, is a woman who advertised her version of Princess treatment to be letting her man speak for her. She refuses to speak to the valet, or wait staff. If the wait staff approach she just smiles. She also thinks that women shouldn’t laugh loud, that it’s unfeminine (I detest this take immensely). If you want Daddy to tell you when you can or cannot speak, what you can or cannot eat – you are in a dom/sub dynamic yet again. Secretary (2002), the movie with Maggie Gyllenhaal is an excellent example of this style of dynamic. It’s a little more involved that the typical dominance/submission that is relegated to the bedroom. I get how hot it is to be edged, to be denied, to have restraint or put it in someone’s hands. That’s because I am sex positive. None of these things on their are harmful. Coupled with people that try to have moral superiority things become real murky, real quick.

The way conservative people deal with sex is a special interest of mine. As such, let’s delve into some statistics to help create a bigger and clearer picture. Australia doesn’t have a lot of statistics comparing porn consumption by political affiliations so we will be utilising statistics from America, with their population of $340 million. Conservative men consume porn at similar or higher rates than their liberal counterparts. However, they are understandably much less open about their engagement. Conservative men search for taboo categories at higher rates than the liberals. This is things like incest, forced or teen for example.

In some areas of the Bible Belt states in the US, there are porn spikes during holidays like Easter and Christmas. At this stage of this post, this shouldn’t be surprising. All of that repression and talk of modesty just breeds secrets. Isn’t it something that we say, that strict parents breed sneaky kids? Why would this not apply to religion, which tends to be quite rigid in its rules and skewed in the man’s favour. One more statistic I find really interesting is Utah has the highest porn subscription rate per capita. And we’ve all seen how hard the Utah ladies go to stay blonde and in shape for their men. Even all the way down under.

Conservative women in America are also more likely to consume porn in secrecy. Common searches for conservative women include; consensual non-consent, religious porn, cheating wife, female submission, public humiliation and degradation in general. This tells me that they find eroticism in being “taken” and giving in without having to make a decision. I think this plays into socialisation as well. Between patriarchy and religion, women do start believing in men’s decision-making being somehow better because they have balls.

There’s the typical forbidden themes which were to be expected. I will also note for nuance purpose – that a lot of times our craving for consensual non-consent is to work through sexual trauma in a safe controlled environment. Once again, nothing inherently wrong with their likes, if the women in question aren’t trying to convince women to behave like them. I’ve never understood why religion and the religious are so obsessed with the sell. If your religion is the right one, it should speak for itself. It should naturally lure and enchant people because when truth stands firm – nothing stops its luminosity.

There’s this weird belief that liberals can’t enjoy leaning into traditional gender roles in their relationships or sexually. This is simply not the case. Liberals are just more open-minded about your ability to conduct your relationships however you see fit instead of one-size-fits-all. For comparison – liberal men eroticise curiosity, shared pleasure and taboo as play. Liberal men tend to consume more ethical and feminist porn which aligns with their personal values. They are more likely to engage with queer content, even without being queer themselves. Liberal women are more open about porn but with socialisation of women, they may still experience some shame. Especially if they come from more religious backgrounds they are deconstructing from. They eroticise choice, transgression and have a pleasure-first approach to sex. They are open to ethical kink and body positive dynamics.

I’ve heard too many religious women talking about bodily maintenance as a gift to a man, instead of talking about a personal relationship with the self or embracing their bodies as is. If your man doesn’t find you delectable as you stand? Get a new one. ANY doctrine that teaches self-flagellation over your thoughts is literally utilising a known control tactic. For how could you be controlled when someone isn’t in the room to police you? You have to be taught to police yourself. Sex is natural and normal. Kink is normal, but requires a lot of research, consent, maturity and respect to be carried out without harm. I don’t write this to shame people out of religion. I believe in your right to religion. I just believe that you should engage with anything with your eyes wide open. That’s how you know you are truly living in integrity, because you had enough information to make the right decision.

The shame that religion can elicit on its members, can lead to kinks that tie pleasure with punishment. This is because the doctrine is teaching you to equate your suffering with devotion. I want you to consider that the people you might judge for their immorality; the ones with tattoos, short skirts and are open sexually – are the ones you should be learning from on how to engage in safer sex. Religion like many things, is man-made. All Abrahamic religions are inherently patriarchal. Someone had to make the decisions that would ensure that religion would survive as long as it has. From what we know historically with the crusades and expansion of religious empires, religion adapted around the world slightly to ease groups into it, from their previously long-held generational beliefs. This is historical fact.

As such, one has to consider that there was a bit of psychology involved in how everything was crafted. From the holy books, to the rules of engagement. What if kink isn’t mimicking religion, but religion has always mimicked kink? In kink you bow, you worship, you adorn with rings/collars/cuffs while in religion you do the same. The religious adornment being; the purity rings, habits/hijabs, clerical collars and rosaries. In Catholicism, any kissing you do of the Priest’s ring is an act of submission to him. Or to God through him, depending on how intentional you actually are during the act. You do not need to fear your body and your own sexuality. You can plan your pain/pleasure session without is coming with extra guilt. I personally do not believe in hell, so I have no lingering anxiety from knowledge of it. I do believe though, that you interact with whatever your beliefs are about the world when you die. So do with that information what you will.

If it interests you to know how a non-religious person thinks, I would tell you that pleasure has always been sacred. Pleasure is also another way to meet the divine. Why else would we be able to experience it? It’s the same reason why I believe in controlled hedonism. That is to say, allowing myself a lot of pleasure but without it disrupting my ability to show up as my best self. I don’t pretend that I am beyond sex, drugs and rock & roll. That is where my inner peace comes from. I’m not internally fragmented like I was in my teenage years when I was still a good Christian girl. I ask that you ponder how you can represent the best parts of your religion without compromising your integrity. Please consider letting people figure out their own ways to femininity and divinity that doesn’t assuage your guilt. If it is hell you concern yourself with, then worry about living in actual truth – over trying to convert the masses. May my words bypass any cognitive dissonance, lodge straight in the subconscious and encourage self development.  Asé.

Written under Lilith’s jurisdiction.

Signed in bone and brilliance.