Confessions of a libra

Still Holy | Credit: Here

21.06.25

Predators walk among us and they are well cloaked by purity culture. Purity culture has long been a veiled attempt at controlling and possessing women. A good practice to get into for your own safety, is learning to question discrepancies. If something is said to be good for society, why is it stringently managed when it comes to a certain gender but not regulated with another. Rules for me but not rules for thee. And if you believe that purity culture applies to both men and women, that’s where I cackle in your face.

When was the last time you witnessed someone taking great care to prevent a male child from having their first sexual experience? Enough to buy purity rings for their son (I have seen this happen to women), enough to restrict their fashion choices and enough to feed nonsensical analogies about pencils and sharpeners. Despite our modernity, a woman losing her virginity is a great source of grief for all around her. If this first time is non-consensual, then what did she do to deserve it? Why was she outside of the home instead of safely cuffed to her bed? Where men are concerned, it is just another day.

Virginity represents something untouched, unclaimed and therefore something to be conquered. And we all know, men have that testosterone in them that makes them enjoy competition. While women have been brainwashed into thinking they are being desired for their chastity and discipline, in fact they are being trained to be preyed upon. For what is the point of holding your hymen so dear, only to be initiated into sex by the kind of man who helped groom you into submission? Now, this is not to say virginity isn’t sacred. It is instead to say, all your states are sacred. Women are as sacred after the sex as they are before and during it. Some of these ideas men have been espousing for generations are intentional propaganda from their predatory predecessors who were wanting to pave way, to make it easier for men like themselves.

Firstly, a woman doesn’t have a tighter vagina because she is a virgin. That is a complete myth that has been debunked. The hymen’s purpose is also not to keep things tight for the first entry. The hymen stretches during sex and sometimes it breaks. The breakage can happen well before sex so not every woman’s first time will there be bleeding. If she does, it could be normal because of incidental tearing of the hymen. It could also tear because you are rushing sex or due to coercive sex. It’s not the tearing that signals successful initiation of sex.

This understanding has hurt women throughout time, so we’d better get that straight. The amount of sexual partners a woman has does not affect the elasticity of the vagina. The vagina was made to be multidimensional. She can be penetrated and she can give birth. So you can safely begin or continue fisting in the bedroom if that’s your thing because, the vagina will recover. She’s made of tougher stuff than you give her credit! Just approach her with cleanliness please, I beg (clean beneath your foreskin. Yes, you).

This leads me to a tangent from a Tiktok I watched. This woman was positing that, if ever there was to be an argument for a gender being able to have multiple partners, it would make sense for it to be women physiologically – due to women’s orgasm recovery rate. Women could probably better sustain some consensual group activities i.e. threesomes or gangbang with greater satisfaction from all participants. I’m only placing this here to show you that all genders can come up with neat reasons for getting their own way. I firmly believe anyone should be able to be monogamous or polyamorous no matter the gender. The issues lie in people policing each other’s options. I won’t tell you what to cook for dinner in your family home, and you stay out of mine, capiche?

This demand for women’s purity is often a covert way to encourage child brides. Time and time again in society men have invented excuses to lower the age of consent for predatory purposes. The younger they can get a woman or if they capture a child, they can mould these women into subservience. All in a bid to never be challenged. I do not want to hear an American joke about starving children in Africa, until you guys sort out your rates of child marriages, especially in red states.

Recently this African American man on one of those ‘Pop the balloon’ episodes said outright what he wanted in a woman was subservience. All the while he had fathered 9 children, by 9 different women. He doesn’t stay in touch with any of them. He doesn’t work, but he wants himself a submissive provider. This is a symptom of now generations worth of men being coddled, by their own design. It results in this princely behaviour rooted not in the logic men are famed but in these emotional projections. Sometimes being a woman in the modern age is rage inducing when men talk over you to repeat what you said but with less gravitas.

Let’s talk about the spiritual implications of men glorifying sleeping with virgins and marrying or engaging sexually with minors. Taking a woman’s first sexual experience with no intention of reverence or care, is a defilement of something holy. It becomes energetic theft, and I write this for your awareness (remember The Ledger) but I also write this for women. So women may better understand the actual price of who should be allowed entry into their sacred gates.

A toll must be paid and when you do not bring the energy of sacred duty, you have chosen conquest over connection. You are seeking power through someone else’s innocence. If this act isn’t consensual or there is murky consent, you have now created an energetic imprint that she has to attend at some point later on. You didn’t just provide a momentary experience. You have psychically and sexually imprinted on her by hijacking a rite of passage. The womb is a living organ that archives her lived experience. When you take, your name is metaphorically on The Ledger of her womb.

If you have previously engaged in this culture, unknowingly believing it to be the norm, you may seek redemption. Redemption in the form of genuine self work. In the form of admitting your wrongs and seeking forgiveness (hopefully from the people you have harmed) and never letting your hands touch what they cannot revere. At some point in life, whether you run from it or not a reckoning comes for your sins, especially regarding how you have initiated women’s awakenings. My ancestors tell me that losing your virginity triggers spiritual awakening. It is an important rite, and it releases stored womb data. Latent gifts, feminine wisdom… that kind of thing.

This changes the timeline of my first spiritual awakening from 21 (which is when I first logged it mentally) to 16. Which explains the trajectory of my life really well. Once I lost my virginity at that age, those lingering questions about things that never made sense to me as a Christian reared their ugly head. I realised that I actually had no more patience to sit with the discrepancies and have people spout illogical  answers to me while being annoyed that I need more than what they are providing. I began researching as a scholar would, other religions. I borrowed the Wiccan Rede from the library, I interviewed the Muslim girls at school and watched videos on Hasidic Jews. I watched documentaries on cults, the more obvious ones; Jehovah’s Witness and Scientology to the obscure ones like The Family a Victorian-Australian cult from the 70’s and 80’s. By 18 I was Agnostic and by my 20’s I was a Spiritualist. I am lucky that my first experience was with someone who was safe, because then it would have added more to the mental load of my teenage hormones as well as my existential decolonisation.

Men also use inexperienced women as a way to not be accountable. Instead of hearing from an experienced woman how your sex game can be improved, you’d instead rather someone who sees your bare minimum as life changing. Instead, you are building up a gallery of memories with her, that she will have to critique and deconstruct when she is with a safer and better lover later. You can hide things from yourself by surrounding yourself with an echo chamber of validation, but how hollow it that? You want someone you can project your fantasies onto, someone to architect your likely warped ideas of romance and sexuality – all while traumatising her. Do you want to be the subject of her therapy in 5 years time?

The problem has never been whether or not women are virgins. The problem lies in the kinds of people that only feel powerful when there is a significant power imbalance. It’s sad, it’s not a true testament of power and even if the authorities don’t get you in this life – spirit knows. Do you think your ancestors weren’t in the room when you were trying to get away with rushing pleasure at someone else’s expense? Siphoning women’s bodies, labour and time for your own vitality and self-importance does not go unnoticed.

Some of the reason men are overwhelmingly alone at the end of their lives is refusing to listen to the women who mattered when they were young and egoic. I give you this information because being forewarned is being forearmed. Lead your relationships from a place of actual respect. Where you do not know anything as a man, it is perfectly okay to admit it than to pretend in the name of preserving gendered dynamics. For any man who reads these words and chooses to continue victimising women in the ways described in this post, may my words plague you anyway. May I be the heavy pressure in your chest, as you resist asking a woman about her body count. And for everyone else, may your hearts and minds be at ease knowing that these behaviours are being called out and spirit is on the case. So mote it be.

Written under Lilith’s jurisdiction.

Signed in bone and brilliance.