Confessions of a libra

Dream Architect | Credit: Here

19.06.25

5:08am

I’ve made an important decision in my life and as such have jumped timelines. It is through communing with my ancestors about my dreams last night, that they nudged me into realising how much my dreamscape has changed from one of survival to one of presence. Over the weekend I went on a drive with my mother Sunshine, the suburb I first lived in in Melbourne. This is the place I also went to High School in the Western Suburbs. My memories of the place are warm and nostalgic, but the reality of that time was much different. I was in survival mode during those days. I was coming into my own as a teenager processing grief, processing trauma all while trying to make some unforgettable High School memories.

For how much we received flack over the years for attending a school in a lower socioeconomic area, I have the happiest High School experience of my friends. Those with access to private schools who would have pitied my own, but I digress. During those teenage years up to around 22, I had a propensity for nightmares. My dreamscapes for years involved being hunted. From those I remember; physical fight sequences, being hunted by entities, being unsettled by danger in the astral so as to force myself awake.  A dream where a man had me bound to the bed, and I had to evoke the Bhebhe ancestors for evac.

Lots of dreams of being hunted for sport (once in a large eerie castle), being chased by animals like snakes (spiritual initiation or spiritual contact dream) or panthers. I’ve had to shapeshift in dreams to narrowly escape death which in retrospect is a sign of my mastery of dream conjuring. Either that or past life echos. Lastly dreams where I would be hiding from something menacing, hold my hand over my mouth while breathing heavily. And hoping to god I wouldn’t be found.

I’ve always had capacity for eroticism as previously explored on this blog. This relates also to my dreamscape. I processed a lot through sexual dreams and it was not the fun type. Dreams of attempted rape, dreams of entities trying to have sex with me (being pulled by the ancestors), several dreams with the archetype of the red bodied horned devil. What has always made me feel safe with those dreams is, I noticed my ancestors never allowed a full sexual experience in dreams that already felt suss or were panic inducing. Sometimes if I’m perfectly honest, I felt robbed of dreams where penetration began and I was pulled from it. But it made me think that possibly that was a real encounter. As opposed to a symbolic dream. I did ask my ancestors and they corroborated.

It explains why in those dreams I had hyperawareness and the sensations felt heightened. In those dreams it felt like I was under a seduction spell. Like how we have portrayed Fae/Vampire glamour. I believe it contributed to the disappointment upon waking. It felt frustrating, like I really got teased in real life. It’s important to note these beings in the visceral dreams, I never saw their face. It was as though I was encountering something from the neck/shoulders down. These dreams I always felt were true astral experiences; when anything just felt off and the people in the dream started saying weird shit. In those dreams, I called myself back to my physical body and woke myself up. I said, nope! Not my ministry.

I feel in general most sex dreams in that period would have been more traps or uneven exchanges. Whereas with past life lovers or future lovers, those dreams have always been more meadow/cottage ethereal vibes. And any dreams surrounding control; being restrained in my energetic body which felt physical, a male entity lying on top of me as a form of domination and any dreams where I was lusted after. Being pulled out for me felt like one minute the dream was there, next I was awake – like a snap of the fingers. Not like how sometimes I’m in the liminal space between dream and consciousness. Where I start telling myself to observe and remember what I am looking at, because I am about to be fully conscious, which would strip the scene from my mind. Instead, it’s like someone sliced the timeline.

Sidenote, because I know many of you do not get the chance to talk like this with people you know. In my dreams, I have been lucid dreaming for as long as I can remember, I just didn’t always call it that (just like me with anxiety). So many dreams I would be walking down a street or a reality and look around and just go, well this isn’t real then. Then proceed to first just talk myself through it in my mind, like I would if I was conscious (inner monologue). Then typically, my next move would be to warp the reality to suit me. I didn’t realise what it was before but that is dream conjuring. Doing sorcery in my dreams, something I now believe to be something anyone with Priestess energy can do. You don’t even want to hear my bestie Weneiya’s dream sequences and dream magic. In my dreams, could make anything I wanted in real time. I have gone flying, cycling and just conjured new things as I go. The absolute fun I had in those dreams was a lovely counter to the nightmares.

After that spiritual initiation I have referenced previously, the dream of my being accepted into the Hall of Souls (that’s what I am calling it now, spirit) – my nightmares significantly reduced. I just hadn’t realised until this dream last night where I was back in Sunshine, on the street I grew up on, just watching. The images were stark in my mind, fresh from the visit. There was no urgency. There was no panic. I stood near the park I told you about, the one I had to sprint across while being chased by that predator as a teen. I felt at peace. There was no more fight or flight. I was simply a woman acknowledging my past. Spirit informed me that my mother and I unknowingly performed a ritual. A ritual of remembrance, that exposed to me and my soul how far we have come. A door has closed and a new one opens. There is no room for things that no longer align.

While this post has been a gorgeous exploration of my dreams, the reason my dreams have chased and settled is because of shadow work. I have never been satisfied accepting that ‘things just are the way they are’. I have worked on myself. I have questioned the foundations of my own self esteem. Questioned if my value wasn’t in service, why have I been treated like a servant by those I love? Asserted myself in situations I should not have had to, with an unequal power balance and not always gracefully. I have faced my scars head on; my body image, my self betrayal in the name of peace, my control issues, my spending issues and my victim narratives.

I have excavated my subconscious as a diligent act, while also doing things that people do not consider to be particularly transformative spiritually. Exercising regularly (not necessarily consecutively) and nursing my creativity. In my 20’s I actively decided to reapproach creativity the way a child with paint and a canvas would. The results were my belief morphing from ‘I am a more logical minded person, creativity doesn’t come naturally to me’ to ‘I am a creative powerhouse’. It is now laughable to me that I never considered myself to be particularly creative. The joys of socialisation.

Your dreams are and always have been keys of communication within yourself and to the higher realms. I don’t care if you choose to learn about dreams from a purely psychological perspective or a purely spiritual perspective. Your best chance though is to combine. Too many times humans separate what was never meant to be separated. Science and magic can coexist because they exist on the same spectrum. They often have similar ‘laws’ for how things come to be but magic uses more poetic, abstract language.

Whether you believe in the ‘law of attraction’ or neuroplasticity or the intersection of the spiritual and the scientific as explored through Dr Carl Jung – all is completely valid. Keep a dream journal and allow yourself time and space to see any growth. If you wanna know how to remember your dreams when you don’t normally… Set the intention before bed. Keep doing it. Trust me. It’ll work. May your dreams of survival be alchemised into dreams of presence and pleasure. Asé.