Confessions of a libra

Mutable self-control | Credit: Here

15.06.25

He was the one person I told myself I would never sleep with. I don’t want to be one of those girls. The ones who gets lazy and bangs their friend instead of dating strangers like a regular person. I hadn’t known him that long myself, but he was definitely friend-zoned. It’s the only reason I agreed to move in. Josh knocked on my door.

“Be ready in 5,” he said slightly muffled behind the door.

“Yep!”

We were doing this thing, where we were building little routines together. Tonight was our Friday movie night. This was our third one since I moved in, and it had become the perfect excuse to run straight home after my shift. I checked my outfit in the mirror. I was wearing chocolate brown fleece lounge shorts and a matching sleeveless top. The nights were drawing cooler the further we went into autumn so I wore a cardigan on top loosely.

I felt comfortable and I confirmed everything that needed covering, was covered. I smelt the popcorn before I rounded the corner into the loungeroom. He already had the lights off but he had these twinkling lights long the wall at the top, it looked magical. He sat with a bowl of popcorn ready filled, some drinks poured and the movie paused on the TV.

“Wow, you’re not mucking around tonight. Are ya?” I asked, rhetorically.

He was always surprising me. I won’t lie that I wrote him off partially because he looked like the type. You know. A little too good looking. A little too adored by everyone. Something about that made me want to see the cracks. I wanted to be the one to unearth his flaws. But in living with him, I had waited for him to do any of the typical things. Not pull his weight, leave the toilet seat up, be inconsiderate… Instead I had a housemate who asked if there were any rituals we could have together to make our time more enjoyable. He even offered to do something with me that would make me less homesick. My tongue got caught in my throat that day.

Josh pressed play and the movie began. I tried not to be conscious of how far apart our legs were. Almost a hair’s breadth. I have this silly little habit, where my eyes always want to rove over a man’s legs. Focus. The movie began and I grabbed some popcorn. I tried not to feel self conscious eating it. Why the hell do I care so much about how I sound?! This is anti-feminist, I cried out in my mind dramatically. I told myself he was probably so chill right now while I was being a dufus. We reached for the popcorn at the same time and I stopped myself mid-way from the accidental touch. We looked at each other and give each other polite smiles. I tried not to pretend I didn’t just catch a whiff of his scent.

The main character made wry social commentary as the movie progressed, which had me scoffing and snorting in agreement. Josh watched me, apparently amused by my antics. He knew I couldn’t watch a movie passively. He’s told me he didn’t mind, that it made the experience more me. I didn’t know what he meant by that. The air turned thick with romantic tension from the characters on screen. I silently hoped the scene would end, so I wouldn’t get any ideas with the mood lighting. As though on queue, everything went dark.

“Um…” I started.

“Oh…kay?” Josh said, mildly amused.

“Maybe it’s the circuit breaker,” I offered.

He turned his body and my eyes were adjusting to this new impeded sight but I could make him out.

“Only you would say that at a time like this. What do you know about circuit breakers?” He teased.

I smacked his upper arm, noting the strength of the muscle beneath. Adding a whining voice for effect I said, “Enough to know when I’m being patronised!”

Josh laughed and got up to check. Using his phone to safely navigate his way. I took a deep breath with him gone. What is getting into me lately, I wondered as I dabbed my forehead gracefully with the back of my hand. He shuffled back indoors.

“There’s an outage. The whole street is dark,” Josh stated bluntly.

“Oh,” is all I manage.

He returned to this spot on the couch. “We can talk about where we thought the movie was going? I think that’d be a good time!”

He said it so innocently I grinned from ear to ear. I was trying so hard to resist his charms but this little window, felt like it was meant for me.

“I think we could come up with something a little more creative than that,” I say in a sultry tone.

Just teasing, testing. My normal restraints loose and ready to be discarded. Josh did this little laugh. The rough kind. The kind with a muzzle on.

“You can’t go talking like that, like I’m not a fucking man Amanda,” he seethed.

I loved his gruff tone, it made my tummy ache and warmth spread all over my skin. I felt metaphorical horns sprout deliciously on my head. I leaned in, as though there was room for much more. I hovered near his ear.

“No, you’re right Josh. I can’t just talk to you any kind of way. You’re a man. A Big, Strong ma-“

Suddenly I was squealing from the attack. He had me by the waist, his face in my neck, in my hair with ardour. Then we were making out. We stretched out on the couch to make ourselves as comfortable as possible. His kisses were wet and lazy. Unhurried, with our present predicament. I liked the way he fit between my thighs. I liked the way he savoured me. It made me want him more. My resolve about friends and lazy dating went out the window. Maybe there was a thrill too that the blackout was temporary. That I could indulge now, then bear the consequences later. Josh stopped to look down at me.

“I don’t want this to end. Ever.” He declared with certainty.

I squirmed beneath him. “Then forget everyone else. Give into me.”