Confessions of a libra

Ancient Intelligence | Credit: Here

12.06.25

The body never abandons us, we just learned to stop listening. To stop holding it to high regard. The body stores information from our experiences, no matter how much we try and bury the emotional baggage. The body remembers, that is how trauma ends up being stored, awaiting your bravery to turn the lock and unleash the flood. We have been ignored, punished or been doubted about our bodies, leading us to dissociation. We don’t even realise how much we aren’t experiencing because we aren’t in our bodies. The mind feels like a safer thing to bet on, but that is an illusion. Safety comes from unfurling your body, peeling back layer by layer – until you are left bare.

Safety can feel boring when we are used to dysregulation. This is why you feel “bored” in a good relationship with someone who doesn’t keep you on a rollercoaster of emotions, trying to figure out if you are liked or misunderstood. Any trauma you have collected from childhood, through friendship groups, school etc sits like coding in your body. So many women are used to being abused from mothers with unaddressed issues, to friendship groups that require a tactical mindset to survive – that it can be hard to distinguish abuse because you are drowning in it.

Sometimes what we think our standards are, is far removed from healthy standards. Learning about the nervous system, I will always recommend as a way to understand the how behind your dissociation in the first place. If you want to tackle something you deem to be difficult, start by demystifying it through research. When I am facing deep life transition or a dark night of the soul, I use research to keep my head above water. When we overthink the complexity of a topic or approach, we lose confidence. I find most things, if you care to you will find a teacher who explains it in your language.

Once you understand something, it’s hard to keep being dismissive of it. As someone who cares to facilitate my own healing and nurse my own intelligence, typically the best solutions to life’s problems, lie in simplicity. It’s uncomfortable because in this modern world, we are made to believe that things must be complex. In America they have bread with an average of 30 ingredients, where we have half of that. If something can be done simply, it doesn’t invalidate the end-product.

There’s likely a slightly more complicated explanation as to the science behind the simplicity that you are unaware of. The execution doesn’t have to confuse you for it to be worthy. Colonialists thought Africans were lazy when they came and observed how we lived according to nature. We didn’t overcomplicate our lives and their so-called ‘logical’ brain told them we were stupid. Do you see the beauty of asking questions, people?

My body has often tried to tell me when I shouldn’t trust people. There are many people I have met over the years where my original reaction was to an internal scream that there is something off about that person. I never realised how much I overrode that feeling until I started working on paying attention to my body. The more recent one was a girl who I met, who looked like a mean girl. She was introduced to me as this sweet thing. She knew some of the other, important people so I felt obligation to be extra nice to her. But my soul told me that she was a mean girl. That she looked exactly as she appeared.

Since this is more recent in my history, I didn’t override the feeling. Now my philosophy is to note it and keep an eye on the person. Sure enough, as soon as she thought no one was looking, she created a little mean girl crowd. Then as soon as she thought she was safe, she took any opportunity to make jabs at me. Now, dealing with immature women isn’t new but it doesn’t make it any less disappointing. When you work with your body’s inner radar, it’s not meant to make you harder or colder. It just allows you to enact pre-emptive boundaries. Maybe had I not had that feeling, I might have actually let her in – then felt that betrayal like a shiv in the heart. Instead, I just let her run her mouth, for months and months. Just to see how long she would have the steam for. Secure people don’t run around putting people down, this is antithetical to having a good self-esteem.

As always, healing your body can be done through the means I always recommend; mirror work, body worship (in the mirror especially) and even movement like dance. Movement like yoga or dance, just helps you transmute and release those energies stored in the body. This is why you cry during the pigeon pose or like my bestie, you rage from the release of emotions stored in your hips. I love self soothing with the happy baby pose in yoga. I love simply holding myself when I’m feeling tender. I will put on soothing music and hold myself while swaying. The body is yours to soothe, to make feel explosive ecstasy instead of waiting for permission. Your permission to self-soothe came at birth.

Let your skin be the scroll from which you read. Your body as deserving of slowness and I will make enough blog posts to remind you of that fact. Your body is deserving of safety. Healing yourself should always feel like a return. There isn’t a moment wasted, not even if you focus haphazardly. May your moans be the psalms from which you pray. May your return to the body grant you greater peace.