Confessions of a libra

Hidden Oasis | Credit: Here

11.06.25

Sex is the most natural thing in the world but conscious sex, now that is a game changer. We need to strike a balance between seeing the holiness in sex, and sexual caution. When we look at sex from a purely puritanical lens, we remove the warmth from it. We are told to simply abstain. Just control your natural base urge for connection. Then, we are informed we can freely give ourselves under the sanctity of marriage, after being given none of the skills to allow this to happen seamlessly.

We demonise sex so much that we fail to equip ourselves with the appropriate rules of engagement. Then, we have dissatisfaction from people holding in cravings and lying to fulfil them in secret. I believe that encouraging sex positivity, makes for a better culture. Let’s demystify sex, and sexual healing for our betterment. By now I have teased topics surrounding; manifestation during sex, channelling different emotions during sex and how sexual safety can lead to spiritual ascension. Let’s discuss these at greater length.

We always try and make sex suit our narratives by picking a lane that suits us. Some of us want to call it casual and not that deep. Others want to call it a deep, soul-binding act. I say, sex is always deep, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun or can’t remove the emotions from it. Sex is a whole experience; emotional, physical, mental and spiritual. To grow into our ideal sexual environment, we need to uplevel each of these, organically or otherwise. Too much focus on the physical pleasure of sex, can detract from the emotional needs that one or both parties have. This could be done by both people using it to escape from each other. The reason we like ‘hate sex’ is, our hormones make it easier for us to get along after we have sex. We feel something heal in real time, but it’s unsustainable when you otherwise lack the communication skills or the gumption to resolve the root of the conflict.

Sex allows us to tap into different channels, in the spectrum of pleasure. These channels are finely tuned based on different levels of stress, relaxation and openness (per category). Any slight shift in delivery of a stroke, moment of dissociation or change of pace can change the experience of the participants. This is why great sex takes practice and intention. It is simply not enough to be in love. You would never expect a job that hires you, to skip training you on their processes because they already loved you enough to hire you. That would be lazy of them, it would cause great confusion. You would eventually catch up, but likely at the expense of your job satisfaction. Now you’re already thinking about the next job.

Channelling your emotions during sex can be a way to heighten your sensory experience. With the added benefit of it soothing those emotions and releasing excess pent up emotions. If I’m particular energetic or wiry, I might want to have rough sex. This allows me to redirect my energy. I might throw more of my body around, or play around with using my weight. If I’m feeling tender, then I will communicate that in some way. That way, I encourage being held at a moment that I truly need it. Transmutation feels like me crying after sex, knowing it’s not sadness but shedding. You don’t have to have any overarching feelings going into the sex, but if you feel something rise during play – you need to gain the confidence to discuss it or enact it.

We don’t realise how much we are holding ourselves back from our desires until someone shines a light on it. We are taught or programmed to override our original feelings often in favour of mental reasoning or more ‘palatable’ expressions. Often when you allow your intuition to guide you during sex, it will steer you correctly. Maybe you’ve always been a pillow princess but today as they were giving it to you good, you suddenly craved a bite and a hair-pull.

When you make it a habit to talk about different aspects of sex with your partner, you get an idea for their boundaries. You will know whether they care for texture or taste or any of the other concoctions a person can revere. Then you allow yourself opportunities to try things in a safe environment. When you are having discussions, it’s also important to ask things about; pressure preferences, preferred pain levels, absolute limits and even anything in the grey. Sometimes the grey means, I’m not turned off by it but it would just have to be the right vibes. That’s totally valid.

There’s something to be said about pacing your sex. When you choose to not rush, both parties can unlock new experiences of pleasure previously denied to them. I’m about to be really raw so I’m preparing your nervous system with this preface. When sex is savoured, whether in a single session or several concurrent sessions – I have entered into a heated frenzy. Like, finally the last of the latch came undone and I’m suddenly tuned into such visceral erotic pleasure – that it overrides my logical brain.

Suddenly I am accessing the most innate, natural and cavewoman aspect of myself. The one without the hang-ups that evolution wrought. Suddenly, I communicate the current. This is the “right there”, “don’t stop” or “fuck, I can’t” (spoiler: I can. I don’t even believe myself). Once I’m stable in that frequency because I’ve caught the wave just right, my body becomes an instrument playing the notes of orgasmic pleasure. Before you even climax, you’ll know you’re tapping into something when your moans become mantas. Your bodies become a vessel for tapping into the divine.

It’s pleasure so visceral I can taste it in ethers where I am transported during the pursuit. It’s otherworldly and it reminds me that pleasure is holy. Those moments have made me feel alive in a way that smashes the dimensions, thinning any barriers. The best part? As a woman, I felt like focusing on learning and communicating my pleasure combined with one man breaking the seal for the first time – made me unstoppable. I have surprised myself every year or two with a new layer of sensuality or sexuality unlocked. I’m starting to believe it’s limitless. Limited only by your understanding or belief in it. That’s magic.

Sex heals not just because it’s sex. That’s why it doesn’t work when you aren’t otherwise working on your relationship, on your intimacy. You can use sex to delay arguments because in the aftermath, you are softened to your partner. But the shaky foundations remain and these things just bubble up in other ways. Intention and presence are essential to healing sex. Setting an intention before you have sex – about what the sex is providing to the both of you – is sex magic. Yes, you can have candles and all manner of witchy paraphernalia. But words are spells, including thoughts. For all those people who have always been uncomfortable with the word witch, you’ve probably accidentally hexed people in your mind without you knowing. Spells thrive on ceremony but they do not require it. Merely intention. Crystals are merely cool rocks until you pick one up and try to meet it at a different frequency.

The beauty of having long-term sex with someone, is the way you take time to bless each other with your hands. You carve your names into each other. You teach each other that your bodies are sacred and revered. You begin to believe your own beauty through the consistency of conscious union. Every kiss is a small patch towards those childhood wounds that made you feel unlovable. Having a sexual history just allows for opportunities to reimagine your own desirability in a way that would make your teenage self sob.

Every good sexual decision you make, helps shift your timeline in desirable ways. Your pleasure is connected to your creativity which is the hearth of joy. Allowing yourself unashamed play, is about empowering yourself. It’s you being a co-architect of your reality. It’s a reminder that sex isn’t happening to you, it is happening with you. Sex wants you to enjoy it. Sex wants it to be safe, fun and filthy. It is only a matter of you changing the perception, into one of reverence. Then suddenly, you are feeling like Pan himself. Jolly. Sexy. Indulgent and shameless. Let sex have a whole new meaning in your life. One that makes life worth living. May your arousal be the compass to your fulfilment.

Blessed by Lilith, who made moans into mantras.
Protected by Sekhmet, who teaches that rage and arousal are sisters.
Anointed by Oshun, who reminds us that sweetness is a form of war.
Crowned by Oya, who clears the path with wind, storm, and desire.

May your body become altar, your pleasure become prophecy, and your power become inevitable.

— Thando, Anointed in Power & Honey