Confessions of a libra

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10.06.25

To men of all identities and creed who have inherited toxic masculinity from your forefathers, allow me to be of service to you so that I may guide your journeys of unbecoming. You, who have held onto so much more than you have ever expressed. You who hide your pain beneath compartments of acceptable masculine behaviour. Know that your masculinity is inherent. You do not have to prove it. What you must do is, is redefine yourself in new and brave ways. In ways that make your forefathers blush in shame. For that is true liberation for you as a collective. The following questions I am responding to, are spirit-led.

1. Why do I shut down when I want to open up?

You have inherited epigenetic information that states that it is unsafe for you to open up. You have memories both in this life – such as watching young expressive boys get bullied – and past life experiences embedded within you. It hurts to open up under those circumstances, it actually makes you feel unsafe. The counter to that, is to do the scary thing because you understand logically that it will not be bad for you. It is just objectively not a bad idea to learn to express your inner world in greater clarity. Are you not feeling connected to me by now for how I have shared my life experienced? Have I not opened you up to feminine thought, that you always craved to hear but were too shy to ask?

You need to redefine what bravery looks like to men. At the present moment your collective believes bravery is you sucking up disrespect from your boys in the name of friendship. It looks like you swallowing rage instead of confronting your father, then snapping at your partner later. It looks like you suffering at a dead-end job that suits your idea of masculinity instead of picking up the easy, fun and artistic career that would make you happy but make you stand apart. In Australia we look up to bushrangers, we want to be more like them – but we have confused intimidation with strength. Strength looks like doing the noble thing, without praise. Strength looks like reaching out for help because you’re drowning and knowing that you are deserving of help as a man. Even help from a woman.

Men’s conditioning has made them feel like the emotional landscape is too much of a minefield to decode. Let me posit this. If life is going to be hard anyway, why don’t you choose your hard? We have one lane in which you follow conservatism rigidly and take on everything a man is supposed to do, whether it appeals to you personally or not. You feel unable to discuss your kinks with your innocent, virginal conservative wife. You have missionary sex because it’s safe for both parties. You are always the strong one who doesn’t cry but desperately wants to be held. You want more hugs from your mates but they think it’s part of the ‘homosexual agenda’.

Or you choose the pathway that is uncomfortably vulnerable. You start saying things that you know your boys would cringe to hear. You don’t care if people make fun of you because you realise they will adjust or you will simply outgrow them. You do no panic at being abandoned because you are working on feeling safety intrinsically from deep within. You are in a relationship that is emotionally safe for you to discuss your fears, your dreams and your kinks. You can choose to try things once that are outside of the binary and your partner won’t hold it against you for the next 20 years.

When you are overwhelmed or feeling the rising need to speak your truth, place your hand on your chest and take deeper breaths. In for 4, hold for 4 and release your breath for 8 counts. Feel free to get a journal so you can write down your big emotions first. Decode them by and with yourself before you express them. It’s not about expressing your truth the fastest. It’s about learning that you can always find a way to speak your truth if it’s important to you. The more you do it, the easier it gets. It will never improve when you’re not being brave enough to try it. Learn to check in with your body. Which body part flares up when you feel this emotions? Ask your body what it means. Look it up online to see what could be revealed about the somatic and spiritual implications. And as always, therapy isn’t there to emasculate you. It is there to guide you back to yourself.

2. Why do I chase women who don’t love me and push away the ones who do?

Most of our dating woes have a direct connection to our upbringing. This is why it’s important to learn about attachment styles, psychosexual development and neuroscience. You were likely raised by someone who made you feel that love had to be proved. Your parent(s) or guardian(s) may have been emotionally cold and distant, causing you to always be working to prove yourself in the hopes for feelings of love and acknowledgment. Once you get someone who loves you, it feels very foreign. You’re used to the baseline of coldness, craving more and never receiving. Then a woman comes who adores you and feels too much. It feel unrealistic. It feels like pressure. Your brain doesn’t know where to hold this new piece of information.

Actively do shadow work about your childhood. Start asking yourself questions and allowing yourself time to ponder. Look back upon your childhood with loving adult eyes, from a birds eye view. Then begin a loving excavation. This will release you as you go, you feel the metaphorical chains unclinking. Then, start making conscious decisions to attempt steps that feel foreign to you. Allowing yourself to receive a compliment, affection and care without needing to explain it away. Work on yourself like you are the best video game you will ever play. With devotion, and a little competitiveness which is always crucial for the male spirit.

3. How do I lead without dominating?

Leading without domination looks like inviting submission, not forcing it. This is why it’s good to practice asking consent before you take any actions. You can offer someone participation in their own domination without devaluing your chosen roles. For example;

“You’re looking so good all the way over there, will you come sit on my lap?”

“Do you like it when I touch you like this? Tell me exactly how you want it, don’t be shy…”

“Will you let Daddy fuck you raw for the next…30 uninterrupted minutes? Because I am fiendin’ for you right now.”

You can dominate with just your eyes. You can dominate with soft hands and careful commands. Learn about domination and submission from the people who enjoy it the most. There are so many places you can read up on the intricacies of BDSM, and none more illuminating than the BDSM community itself. They will teach you how much respect, safety and clear communication are corner stones of domination. You don’t need to know everything, but you need to know that domination isn’t about roughness or coercion. It’s about being given the trust to instruct. You have been made co-architect by your submissive, so you honour them by respecting their body and soul.

4. What does it mean to worship a woman without simping?

Here is what those right-wing podcast bros won’t tell you. Simping is just a word people use to shame men who refuse to let societal conditioning about male stoicism and male domination, rule their romanticism. When you are seeing a simp, you are seeing a yearner who actions those feelings into devotion. It is uncomfortable for those of us that grew up not seeing true love and devotion starting at home. So we make fun of those people, to distract from the disappointment that we ourselves have no one simping for us.

The only way ‘simping’ is bad is if a man is allowing himself to be ruled by someone’s whims. That is a case of low self-esteem that will require therapy and boundary setting. The problem is people often confuse the two. We are so starved for seeing men who openly yearn in patriarchy-led media that many men struggle to appreciate seeing worship happen around them in real time.

Worship is freeing when you stop looking at it like its subjugation. It isn’t weak or effeminate to want to serve a woman. To want to make her life easier by running around for her. That is in essence, what being a provider looks like. You are the cushion of her world and she is your north star. She makes the colours brighter, the home cosier and silences warm and inviting. You offer up your time, your body and your resources to facilitate ease. This is simply nature repackaged for the modern world.

Final thoughts

For men who engage in my content, with respect and reverence, I see you and I continue making content for you. You are not your father. You are not a mindless porn object. You are not the rage you have swallowed. You are a garden of wonderous possibilities waiting to bloom in ways that will lift the ache of your children, and your children’s children. Trust in yourself to rise above the noise. And I trust your hands will grow something holy.