Confessions of a libra

Sex is Divine | Credit: Here

09.06.25

Today, we’re shifting gears to answer the sex questions you’ve been looking up but are too scared to talk to anyone about. I have a list of questions under the categories Desire & Libido, Emotional Entanglement & Casual Sex, Shame & Self Perception, Kinks & Boundaries and Love & Sacred Sex. My first answer was so long, I decided to just answer one question per section. If you want the next lot answered, chuck us a comment. 💋

1. Why is my sex drive so high/so low compared to my partner’s?

Your libido is rooted in a few factors. Your hormones, your nervous system, your mental belief systems and energetic compatibility.

Women

Oxytocin is the primary pleasure hormone for women. Oxytocin is a hormone fostered from trust and safety. When women have high cortisol (stress maybe from carrying all the emotional and mental load in the relationship, or it could just be work/life circumstances), oxytocin just won’t rise. What this means is, in relationships where your sex life began hot and heavy and it dropped off, if it’s the woman the first thing you ask is “is she still feeling safe?”. Oxytocin rises during; prolonged eye contact, any prolonged affectionate touch like cuddles, emotional vulnerability, acts of service (men this one’s for you) and orgasm.

When a woman has an unrushed, deep orgasm oxytocin rises increasing her body’s threshold for pleasurable sensation. That’s why women are often more horny after orgasming. Personally, I think in every session (unless the individual says otherwise), women should be orgasming a minimum of twice. I would argue for myself, three times is a minimum. The first orgasm, is about building safety and trust. The second is about honouring her expanding needs. The third is scared journey that is made only the more delicious because the woman has been well primed and lubricated. Everything in the beginning should still be hot without rushing into penetration. Remember, sex is a multisensory experience. Those moans, scratches, smells are all tantalising enough so you never need to rush to ‘get to the good part’.

Men

Testosterone is the primary sex hormone in men. It’s not exclusive to men but it’s the main thing men need to experience deep pleasure. It also affects men’s energy, mood, aggression, confidence and creativity. I love the note about the creativity when you think about the sacral chakra ruling sex and creativity. I love repeating patterns. When a man has a healthy amount of testosterone he feels magnetic, driven, focused and ready to claim. Testosterone will rise through physical touch and sexual activity. Which may explain why men always say physical touch is their love language, I always wondered why so many say the same thing. Men also have a rise in testosterone from; praise (hello praise kinks), achievement and even being around competitive/collaborative male environments. To quote a famous writer, “Kaito is not your competition. Kaito is your comrade”.

Nervous System

Sympathetic Dominant types are our fast burners. People with this nervous system are easily aroused physically and emotionally. Their system is in alert which meant they crave quick pleasure, chaotic, high-stakes intimacy. These people need to switch things up to stay aroused. When these people live in fight or flight, they use sex to regulate themselves or as a form of escape.

Parasympathetic Dominant Types are our slow burners. People with this nervous system open up slowly, deeply when the environment feels emotionally secure. Their system requires relaxation, safety and trust to reach their fullest arousal. These are the people who want the softness in the touch, prolonged eye contact, wanting to talk intimately to set the stage for intimacy. Once these types reach full arousal, expect complete devotion to the sexual act.

Some people can have the capacity to be both depending on the context, so this makes them switchy. People with this dual capacity love polarity in their sex life. They want to be fucked into oblivion and then tenderly held over the horizon.

Psychology

Religious and societal conditioning can affect your arousal more than you think. Any internalised shame about the body. Any unprocessed trauma. By doing shadow work or therapy, you can begin to peel back layers of conditioning that could unfurl beneath it, a blooming high libido. As someone with a high libido I can confirm that when I have been with people where I didn’t completely feel safe (even if I wasn’t thinking it consciously), my libido was naturally lower. Also, I have a high libido but I’m very driven by partnership. So when I am single and not entertaining anyone, I don’t have sex with random people. I self-pleasure regularly but I know it’s nowhere near my fullest capacity.

Energetic Compatibility

Now this is one that I displayed in my post “Reverent Bliss”. Not all attraction and desire is created equal from a spiritual perspective. Different people, unlock different levels of attraction based on energetic compatibility. Some people touch parts of your soul that you didn’t even realise were erotic. I didn’t know that my strategy had any backing, but I always found it helpful to meet my sexual partners where they werre at instead of hoping they will be like my previous experiences. Expecting the same levels of anything is a stretch. Each new sexual partner is a blank slate of discovery. I let the connection itself determine the dynamic that we have. I lean into the aspects that make the most sense and arouse me the most with a particular person.

2. Can I have casual sex without catching feelings? 💔

Yes, you can but you have to be a certain kind of person with a certain kind of mentality. It’s not always a healthy mentality either. The thing is, if you’ve never had casual sex, you won’t know beforehand in which lane you lay. My question to you then is, do you want to risk putting your heart on the line and have things for your future self to unpack later?

Let me also posit that sexual engagement is equivalent to spiritual entanglement. When you just let anyone into your vessel, you are susceptible to fucking up your own flow of energy. This could be because you overestimated the attraction initially. When women accept semen into their bodies, they are accepting memory, potential and ancestral data. If you get impregnated, that man’s DNA can still be inside your body for 7 years or longer. Even miscarried or aborted pregnancies leave cellular data. When that fetus is created, they become part of the living archive of the woman’s soul.

Important note: Important to note that is is now confirmed to be poor epigenetic signalling or unstable DNA fragments encoded in men’s sperm that are leading to women’s miscarriages.

Long story short you can have casual sex without catching romantic feelings, but at what cost? The other person could catch feelings for you and now that’s something else you have to deal with.

3. How do I stop feeling embarrassed about how I look naked? 🧠

You need to get comfortable with looking at your own body naked for long periods of time. Start there. Just look at yourself in the mirror. You might make yourself cry. You might feel silly. And you might actually start wondering what exactly is it about your body that would be so bad as to make anyone hate it? Another thing I like to do is exposure therapy. Look up naked bodies. You want to see as many natural bodies as you can. The more you see them and realise there are sooo many differences and concoctions, you realise that wanting a particular body is a losing battle. They’ll always be someone who likes your body exactly as it is. Someone who would salivate at seeing a sliver of skin, ankle even!

Consider this, when you have been attracted to people, did it matter what their body looked like? Would you have given them a hard time for having one much smaller boob or for having a mole on their lower back? The answer is likely that being attracted to someone give you the most grace when you look at someone else. You have appropriate rose tinted glasses on. If we weren't made that way, it would make it terribly awkward for us to have to populate the planet.

Failing all that, therapyyyy.

4. Is it okay to have rough sex and still be spiritually connected? 🧿

Yes you can have rough sex and be spiritually connected. For me, spiritual connection during sex is about a conscious state of mind and about channelling. I am someone who doesn’t normally feel very aggressive in other areas of my life, but rough sex is a place I can channel that energy. If I have a lot of vitality (which let’s be real, Leo Mars), then rough sex is me channelling that energy that’s lying dormant in my body. Intention is everything where spirituality is concerned. You can do so much with rough sex, so long as it’s well communicated before any acts actually begin and ALWAYS end with aftercare. Not having aftercare after rough sex can devalue the experience and leave the participants feeling sexual fulfilment but emotional neglect.

5. What does it mean to have sex that’s “sacred”? 💌

I actually asked spirit to give me their perspective first, because I thought it would enhance the language I could describe it. My favourite thing spirit said was, sacred sex is when the soul consents not just the body. What this looks like in practice is presence, energetic attraction or compatibility, communication in your eyes, communication through your breath, giving yourself over as a gift, giving complete reverence to your intimate partner and your bodies are merely conduits for deeper alignment. Your bodies translate the language of your souls, and your souls speak. It is so its own religious experience that once you have it for the first time, it’s undeniable. It downloads like an ancient knowing in your mind and it whispers, I’ve arrived.

Whether you’re a slow burner, a chaotic lover, or a sacred switch – your body is not broken. Your desire is not shameful. And your pleasure isn’t a luxury, it’s an ancient birthright waiting to be claimed.