Confessions of a libra

Sacred, Sensitive Souls | Credit: Here

09.06.25

Welcome my Sensory Alchemists and Misfits alike. You with your hyper-tuned nervous systema and your kaleidoscope gender expression. You who are expected to  contort yourself to suit the minds of some, while not being met in the middle. You who are othered for being perceptive and expansive. For choosing the hard truth over the sickly sweet lies. You who stand in your bodies – sometimes tall, sometimes weathered – but always majestic. Some of my favourite people of all time are queer, neurodiverse or both. I prefer dating neurodiverse people. I like you, value honesty and directness. I have initiated some questions with responses, if you like what I have to say, find the courage to comment your personal questions in the comments. Whatever makes you comfy, consent and all that.

1. Am I broken if I don’t crave sex the way other people do?

Nay. Expecting people to have the same sexual needs and cravings sets us all up for failure. You were made with intention. Let your intuition guide your sex life and experiences. When dating someone new, be open about your libido. Be very clear about the frequency with which you prefer it and outline any mitigating factors. If anyone makes you feel bad, after you communicated your truth – they are disrespecting your autonomy. If you want to work on having more sex, to experiment with the limits of your own libido, that is fine. To be shamed or coerced into having sex more than you prefer is abuse. You are not broken. How limiting would art me if all we had available were 3 colours? Instead we have a whole spectrum of colour, you are just one of many shades.

2. What if I can’t separate sensuality from safety?

Sensuality and safety are intrinsically tied together. Sensuality guides you into safety. I always say sensuality is a state of mind. Sensuality is about leaning into experiences that relate to your senses. Slowing down and savouring.

Now if you are thinking about sexual safety, wherein you cannot be turned on without feeling 100% safe – then this is your compass. If you are realising your experiences thus far with your exes or current partner haven’t fostered feelings of complete surrender, then this is cause for shadow work. Having a standard that clear, and that holy is sacred. It should be the guiding light that makes you turn someone down after an underwhelming make-out session or sexual experience. When you are already in a relationship, everything begins with communicating your feelings and the roots if you have an idea. From there, you and your partner should be discussing new actions to implement and trial, to foster those very feelings of safety you are missing.

For both of the above, it is important that you work on your own self concept as well. Sometimes we are tensing, not allowing ourselves to open up because we are subconsciously (but intentionally) holding ourselves back. We have a long-held belief that we are wrong in some way, so why would anyone want to gift us with honest and clean intimacy. Always assess your own doorstep before you bring others into it. If you are failing to see how you are contributing to your own state of mind, a therapist or sometimes you partner can give you a new perspective.

3. Is it okay that I need clear instructions during sex to feel confident?

Yes, it absolutely fucking is. I love giving instructions and I love receiving them too. One of the sexiest parts of having sex is clear communication. If you feel you can talk to your sexual partner about anything outside of the bedroom, why are you feeling shy to talk in the bedroom? You need to see all aspects of the relationship as equal. Needing equal attention, fostering, trial and error. When your mind works in such a way where you hate ambiguity (maybe I have slight neurospicy tendencies, or it’s just my Virgo Mercury relating), clear instructions is the only way forward. I hate when people make it seem like you should just understand each other’s bodies by osmosis. Even in my most heated, soul-bonded connections – I had to put in the work to learn the other person. Verbally planning the sex and the terms is sexy. Verbal dialogue during sex is sexy. Everyone deserves to be comfortable, not just the person with a particular communication style.

4. Why do I feel more connected to spirit through kink, restraint, or control?

Let’s think about devout spiritualists like monks, nuns and traditional healers. What do they have in common? There is an extremist element to their devotion to life and Source. They forgo some earthly pleasures for other spiritual pleasures. They fast, they meditate, they restrain themselves from sex. Other times they are initiated through sex, depending on the religion or faith. There is something inherently sexy and spiritual about those three things. Playing with control can provide such a somatic release. It can elevate your energetic body because you placed your trust in a safe vessel, and you were held. You restrain to awaken other senses, from which you can taste the Divine. Sex has never not been spiritual. Kinks are essentially channels. These channels already exist, you just have to decide to tap into the frequency.

5. Can I still be a vessel of light if my desires don’t fit into ‘normal’?

Yes, you can because it is all about intent. If you are enacting your desires with honesty, integrity and consent – you are operating in the light.