Confessions of a libra

At your service | Credit: Here

08.06.25

A recent survey found over 86% of Australians have turned to ChatGPT for dating and relationship advice. As such, I have asked Chat for the most brutally honest list of questions men really want to know, so I can guide any men that genuinely care about a woman’s opinion. If you want me to do more of these, or you can give me your suggested questions. I asked which countries are most needing this advice so I have selected 3 to start. If you want me to continue this as a series, tell me via comments!

Australia

1. How do I talk to women without sounding awkward?

Being awkward is not the sin you think it is. Women also feel this awkwardness when they talk to and approach men. What might help is releasing expectations. When you make an offering to someone you like, you display yourself or your vulnerability and you leave it in the other person’s hands to action it. You may hear a yes or a no. Neither answer devalues you or invalidates what a brave thing you have done. Just like women sometimes struggle to talk to men because they have been programmed to revere you, you might struggle because you are concentrating on potential rejection and a bruised ego. A bruised ego is not the end of the world.

Last year, I told someone that I had feelings for him. We had been circling each other for months, we were raising eyebrows it was so obvious. When he said he didn’t see me in that way, I chose to believe him. Now this doesn’t mean I actually believe he had no feelings for me, I’m too psychic for that. What it means is, you have to accept people where they are and learn that feeling smarted by rejection is character-building. He was obviously scared of commitment, and probably scared of what being with someone like me rouses in him. He wanted to keep his guard and his secrets, which doesn’t work for me. Men can sense the accountability that comes with dating me, and it’s a repellent.

All this to say, I can’t ‘fix’ your awkwardness by giving you the magic blueprint beforehand. What I can say is, I have overcome my awkwardness through intentional practice in situations that trigger my rejection sensitivity. This means doing the brave thing and telling that girl she is beautiful even if it feels awkward. The more you practice that behaviour – in this case complimenting a woman – it becomes natural to do it. You need to accept that your worth as a man is inherent and not dictated by a woman wanting you or not wanting you. And yes, sometimes it really isn’t you, it’s them.

2. What should I put in my dating profile to attract women?

Different women want different things but here are some common pain points from you collectively already;

❌ Photos that centre cars or fish, is you appealing to the male gaze. I’ve met women who are into cars and even they don’t treat their cars as idols

❌ Not writing a bio is lazy, lying about your height is crazy work when the point of the app is to eventually meet in real life. You should want someone who wants you as is, not because you lied.

❌ Single photos, dark photos, only photos in crowds

❌Don’t make disparaging comments about dating culture on a dating app. Nor about your insecurities. This is not the time nor the place. I don’t wanna see “swipe right if there’s even any good women left. Women these days just want a man who…” ✋🏾 Please sir, this isn’t therapy.

❌Don’t use photos of children and dogs to weaponise women’s empathy. You are either a family man or you are not. Stop using them as props. Don’t say ‘maybe’ to wanting a relationship or children one day if you don’t want them. Women are reading your profile expecting that you are actually representing your personality not your delusion or predatory moves.

Women are enticed multidimensionally. Don’t let this scare you, it just means women don’t just look at your gym pic and decide based on your looks alone. So you want your profile to have range. You want your profile to showcase your personality so she doesn’t have to dig. So many men want to be on dating apps and think the work lies in the swiping. Women are struggling with talking to dry men, sleazy men and entitled men on these apps.

Show a woman you’re funny before you foist a joke upon her. I’ve seen many women praising men on Hinge that have creative voice memos. My general rule of thumb is, present yourself in a way that doesn’t disappoint the woman after she bothered to give you a chance. Remember, men are the bulk of the audience on a dating app. Instead of being worried that other men are competition, you should feel more confident if your approach is rooted in truth and not performance. A genuine man, will rarely struggle where women are concerned.

Do;

✔️Write a bio: include your actual interests (aim for one across different categories i.e. Reading, motorcycling, Wednesday night trivia and the occasional camping trip)

✔️If you are a leftist, throw in a line or an inside joke that leftist women who share your values can like. I’ve been drawn to initiate conversations when something on a man’s profile pertains to my worldview

✔️Minimum 3 photos, all with clear lighting, soft focus, a genuine smile is always attractive. While your gym photos show you have discipline and consistency I almost always swipe left at gym photos. Gym bros unfortunately don’t have a swimming reputation and you flexing in the mirror just screams vain to me. I want your photo to be a genuine moment captured, not a flex – pun intended.

✔️Don’t be scared to stand out. Your ex made you watch Twilight and you actually enjoyed it? Chuck a Twilight reference. You have a wacky hobby? Add that in there. You like to wear nail polish, make sure one of your photos has you in it. If you’re a soft boy, say that upfront.

✔️Don’t posture. Women amongst themselves speak very deeply about the things that matter to them. So you coming on the app, quoting philosophy in an empty way will have you rumbled. I hate when a man pretends to have a deep interest, then when I try to engage him he is drier than the Sahara Dessert.

3. What do women want in a man?

Women want different things. Some women want a complete provider in the traditional context because that is what they were raised on. Other women like taking care of men, then there is everyone inbetween. What I would say is universal is the following;

• Honesty – don’t misrepresent yourself, even if it means admitting you don’t know something
• Humility – if you cannot humble yourself as a man, you don’t deserve a peaceful and erotic partnership
• Courage – being a man isn’t about knowing everything and retreating when you feel out of control. It’s about choosing to face the day or the woman anyway, despite your fears. This is how you build self-intimacy as well. Just like outside of relationships, your brain cannot refute evidence once you have compiled a list of times you were courageous and it worked out in your favour. As such, try the hard thing anyway.
• Listening – not enough men listen as much as they can talk. Sometimes you are wired to think your opinion is the most important. You are waiting for the women around you to take a breath so you can override them. Stop that. Instead have patience, an open heart and practice meeting a woman without expectations. This means when a woman brings up a topic you normally roll your eyes at, consider how actually listening could teach you something about the topic, her or the human nature in general. If you want to be as astute as me at picking up patterns in people, you have to learn not to yuck someone’s yum.

• Assertiveness not domination – ask her if she wants to go out. Track how often you are talking and seeing each other. When there is a lull, you offer a lifeline. You offer the next date. When you haven’t seen her in a while you do something thoughtful. Send her a coffee to her house or send her a carefully curated playlist. Plan the date nights. But remember she is and always will be her own person, not an extension of you.

• Provider – all women want a provider in a man. What the providing looks like is where women differ. What you need to do is learn to define what kind of provider are you; emotional, physical, financial or spiritual. Sit down and write down what that looks like. Look into this further by doing some research on the ethics, philosophy and practical application. Once you have this down-pat, it is your job to communicate that upfront when you meet a woman you like. Set the expectations up front. Ask her back, in what ways she will nurture you in return. Ask her what kind of providing she is used to or what she needs. Always be willing to compromise. Not with someone you are seeing willy nilly, but if a woman is important in your heart, you must be flexible. That’s on give and take, baby.

Some women want a hypermasculine man, others want themselves an effeminate femboy. Either way, your masculinity doesn’t need something outside of you to cement it. Don’t look at your masculinity as something that requires more physical expression. Men are desperately needing to reorient what masculinity feels like not what it looks like.

4. How do I know if she likes me?

Women are so cute when they like men. It is the most obvious thing in the world to me. If you’ve ever been in the same room as a woman you suspect likes you, and you see her in a corner giggling with a friend while looking at you? Yes, she likes you. Learning the cues takes a lot of time, but you can research body language cues to get you a head-start. As with most things, women are not a monolith so they can show they like you in so many different ways. Here’s some you can use as a start;

She wants to spend time with you, especially outside of obligation. She giggles more during conversations with you than anyone. Humour is an aphrodisiac for many women, and when we are heady in feelings, the men we adore become stand-up comedians. She bites her lip and stares at yours during conversation. She plays with her hair during conversation. Her banter with you feels particularly charged in a way that is obvious even to you. Sometimes women will struggle talking to you one-on-one when they like you. They get all blush-y, stutter-y and lack their normal composure. Many women I know spoil the men that they care about, so you will feel it. She buys you coffee, she remembers little details and she asks your opinion about personal decisions.

5. Why do women ghost or lose interest?

Women ghost or lose interest for a multitude of reasons. Let’s start with dating apps. Women are outnumbered by men, but men largely have the same play when it comes to dating and flirting. Sometimes she is entertaining multiple conversations while waiting to feel a particular spark or someone who was seeing us as a person not a filler woman.

Sometimes I have ghosted because I had an awakening that I was actively lowering my standards again. Sometimes even healing for us women is a spiral. So we might have considered new information. Now I have previously stated that women are one bad mood away from being killed by a man. As such, you have collectively taught us (not just now but historically, epigenetically) that you are unsafe to be honest with. You take a lot of things personally when they don’t have to be. And your responses to those hurts – real or imagined – often destabilise our nervous systems. Many women already suffer from anxiety I would posit because of this capitalistic, patriarchal society. Ghosting is simply a refusal to have a debate as to whether a woman has a right to not want you anymore.

If you work to be an honest man with integrity, a woman losing interest is just a lack of vibrational match. Once you elevate yourself as a man, you’ll thank the women who didn’t waste your time because they lost interest.

Ireland

1. How do I know if she likes me?

This one is easy. If you have been talking for hours, days or weeks; you’ll know because of how much time she has for you. Even me who can be very busy, always finds time for the people I love. You’ll know because she wants to get your opinion on everything. You’ll know because she is asking you deep questions – personal or otherwise – because she is trying to learn how your mind works. You’ll know because you’ll feel it in how she greets you and in that softness in her eyes.

Just don’t listen to these podcast bros telling you to play games with women to assert your dominance early. You just being you should be enough for the right woman.

2. What should I say to start a conversation?

This one depends on the setting. I personally have never minded a man just coming up to complimenting me. I can tell the difference between approaching me with reverence and one coming with expectation. If you noticed something about me and you cannot walk away without just saying it out loud, I get that impulse.

If you are in a social environment. Then making a comment about the environment. Not in a “nice weather” way but adjacent. Imagine you are at a gathering and you approach a woman standing on her own and people watching. You approach her and say “now is this the corner we stand and judge people or are you overseeing a meet-cute I’m unaware of?”. You’ve disarmed her, you’ve made a joke and you’ve invited more conversation surrounding her thought processes and the environment at hand. I hope that helps.

3. How can I be more confident around women?

Many of you don’t need to be more confident. You need to be more humble and more present. Many modern men don’t realise they have been socialised to be overconfident and to perform their masculinity. Stop thinking about how you can be more confident as a man for her, think about how you are showing up as a person who likes another person. Are you remembering the things she says in conversation? Are you making yourself presentable for her before you see her? If you know what she likes or considers sweet or even gentlemanly – then are you enacting anything within that realm that is within your comfort zone?

China

1. How do I start a conversation with a woman?

Already answered this but I will reiterate, approach her like you’re approaching anyone you like. Like you would approach a man you want to be friends with, but without posturing. Just being.

2. How can I express my feelings appropriately?

Just start talking. I’m not saying this to be condescending. Many people don’t know how to identify their feelings. Sometimes we know how to describe the feeling but don’t know what it’s called or what it means. When your girlfriend goes out in a crop top, that you thought was inappropriate and you have this tightness in your chest and this increasing need to address it, you don’t have to start the conversation knowing exactly what to say. Let me model this.

Man: “Babe. I’m having some feelings right now and I don’t know what they mean. All I know is, even though I didn’t say anything at the time – I was deeply uncomfortable with what you wore for your girls night. And I don’t want to be that guy, but it’s been on my mind since. It makes me feel weird, and small. I don’t know if I’m more worried about your safety or it’s some sort of caveman programming that makes me want you to have more skin covered. Either way, I wanted to talk to you about it, so we can work it out together.”

Look up “emotion wheel” on Google. We have so many different shades of emotions and sometimes the differences are slight. Study those names and even journal on the ones you are unsure about. Use the dictionary definitions then try and think about times in your life that this feeling came up. You are mapping out your emotional world when you do that. And once you are in communion with yourself (by talking out loud or journaling) and you’ve unearthed those feelings within yourself, it makes it easier to communicate your needs. Final tip. Learn about attachment theory and how childhood trauma informs your emotional world and dating decisions. It’ll open up a whole new world for you. Suddenly all those things that confused you, are ringing with exceptional clarity.