Confessions of a libra

Pleasure is ours | Credit: Here

07.06.25

When you rush pleasure, you are committing a sin against it. I’m not talking the occasional quickie, I’m talking if your modus operandi involves just rushing into penetration, getting your rocks of and then going on your phone. If you want to have the hottest sex of your life, you need to learn how to tantalise the senses before anyone even thinks the word bedroom. This is why men don’t see how erotic it is to do the dishes without being asked or to offer a massage unprompted.

Think of pleasure as a piggy bank. You have to learn to make good deposits if you want a fat pig by the end. If you are wondering how to make someone feel so safe as to unravel in your arms, or ask you to try that thing that you mentioned that one time – then consider shifting the way you think about foreplay entirely. Let me guide you through this.

Fostering intimacy is the cornerstone to emotional safety. You want your partner to be able to relax and divulge anything to you. One of my favourite ways to build up foreplay and intimacy, is forgoing my phone. Normally if I am with a person who I desire, I forget my phone even exists. I’ll sit with my entire body facing you. I want to watch the cogs turning when I ask you a question and before the answer spills from your mouth. I want to be able to observe when your adam’s apple bobs or your chest heaves from your shortened breath. I love weaponising my eyes during conversation. I play with looking at you in different ways to see how you respond in real time. I try and undress you with my eyes, if you’ll let me.

There’s another element to foreplay that lives in tension. It doesn’t have to be anything particularly scary or crazy. So while I am burning a hole through you with my gaze, I want you to fight the feeling. For as long as humanly possible. How much can you restrain? How much can we circle the point? My favourite game lies in coaxing the other to give in first. There is endless ruinous pleasure in this pursuit, and it works best when everyone participates.

Before we get to touch, there might be other moments dear reader, that you might not realise are sexual lifelines. When I’m looking at you eyes full of desire and I ask you to get me a glass of water, I am testing your obedience. I am testing your willingness to please. For why should you enter my temple if you are unwilling to have discipline. You cannot access me without offerings, and you making the environment comfortable for me while I luxuriate is part of the foreplay. Scorpio lovers are really well attuned to the whole dynamic from start to finish. It doesn’t even need to be named.

Verbal sparring cannot be underestimated. If this is something you struggle with, then there is no shame in studying dialogue in your favourite sexy material. If you are a person of few words, that’s fine but make those words potent. You don’t have to recite a monologue, but learning to drop the right words at the right time and with the right tone – revolutionary. Asking your intimate partner what words they like vs what words give them the ick is a great place to start your homework before you implement anything.

Think of talking as social lubricant. You don’t have to rely on substances for social lubrication. You can instead be open that you want to try something new and allow the other person to hold space for your awkward periods. I have a Virgo Mercury in the 12th house so if you speak to me during the act, I want it to be specific and dreamy. You can get away with flowery language where I am concerned, bring out your inner Romeo. Check your placements in your partnerships and discuss how it impacts the sex you are already having.

Foreplay manipulates time. Time manipulation is equivalent to sensuality. Learning to be more sensual is learning a different kind of intelligence. In my writing you’ll notice I mention a lot of body cues. I can tell when someone’s body is opening up to me. You only gain that level of attentiveness by not rushing and falling in love with noticing. If I was in love with you, I would try to count all your freckles, birth marks and beauty spots.

Savouring the pleasure is the height of pleasure. The orgasm is a delicious cherry on top. Especially when there is genuine commitment and communication to arrive there, together. Spirit wants you to slow down and enjoy your eroticism. There’s no reward for getting to your pleasure the quickest. The longer the anticipation, the more sacred the climax. The more deposits you have made in the piggy bank. The more you have shown source through your partner that you are willing to work for divinity, not manhandle it into submission.

Women need coaxing and courting. It’s just not negotiable. Men who date me show up as the best version of themselves and they know I need to be courted. The inner Priestess in me refuses to accept anyone at my temple walls without some bleeding honesty. Part of the coaxing and courting comes consent. It is non-negotiable and it’s better to overuse it than to underuse it.

Consent is sexy, as I have illustrated in my blog post “Ask Again”. You don’t get great sex when someone is half present in their own body. When you rush someone or receive murky consent – as opposed to enthusiastic consent – you have forfeited the right for earth-shattering pleasure. Know that any pleasure you have extracted in this instance is a stolen moment. A stolen memory, that will never satisfy you, the way pure safety in sex will give. Remember The Ledger.

Foreplay can and should be ritualistic. Preparing the mind and body, through ritual. Anointing your skin, having decadent baths, incense or candles, feathers and grounding touch. Even starting by breathing together, hands on each other’s hearts. Coming to the body, should be done by any participant – gender inclusive. When you start foreplay, you can start practising the breathing that will elevate your experience during penetration.

Breathing can help give you more enjoyable, explosive orgasms. We normally supress it by tensing because it feels more appropriate. The safer you are, the less you are tensing as a reflex. The more your tensing can be fun or strategic. Having regular self pleasure intentionally, can also heighten your pleasure with another. Especially if your solo sessions are invoking more self love, connecting to the energy of a sigil or deity (like Oshun) and are a return home not an escape.

Erotic intelligence comes from seeing the erotic as intrinsic not extrinsic of life. Many things that you do outside of sex can be brought into the bedroom, and given a new erotic life. Just because you tried something you watched in porn and it felt awkward the first time, doesn’t make that thing any less erotic. You are allowed to grow into pleasure. You don’t have to get everything right away when you try it. You just need to realise you look cute when you’re fumbling around. Normally someone who is your emotional or sexual partner should be looking at you with reverence. Your stutter or your queef shouldn’t derail the pleasure at hand. Stay sexy, keep sex consensual and talk to your partner about your foreplay, today.