Confessions of a libra

Neptunian | Credit: Here

28.05.25

Longing changes as you grow. It’s more mature, it’s more removed. I’ve had to go through so many dark nights of the soul, so many endings and new beginnings, that it becomes harder to hold tight. To have the same ache rooted in rose tint. Instead, my heart seeks alignment now. My heart is calmer but no less voracious as a Leo Venus.

I’ve always had to be the strong one for those around me. The one who arrives at information first. So often, I have had to wait. Old age is mellowing me out because the impatience I have felt like a true Aries descendant, is now beginning to thaw. I’ve spent too many years being frightened of being set apart from others. It brought an impatience to interpersonal relationships. It felt like I was losing when I could see the future so clearly but couldn’t control the outcome. It doesn’t help that I think about things metaphysically. I am aware that the difference between me and my desired outcome where other people are concerned – is a single decision that sets a timeline in motion.

While it may sound exhausting to you that I have to think of life in this way – especially with my lionheart, it is a sign of maturity and my shadow work. When you are still in the process of healing, particularly the beginning stages, your longing and aching is rooted in unpacked childhood wounds. To get the kind of peace I am slowly unfurling has meant being brutally honest in my shadow work. Where have my father wounds affected my dating life? Have I used my dating life as an escape from my life? You would be surprised how much pouring your energy into other people romantically and platonically can be a signal that you don’t enjoy your own life.

It’s important to reconcile with a few different facts as you age. Sometimes you want things and people that don’t want you back. Other times people want you but lack the bravery to step out of their comfort zone. This is especially important if you are sovereign individual who beats to the rhythm of your own drum. Not everyone is ready to stand beside, in reverence. The other trouble for my psychic or healer girlies that we have to reckon with, sometimes our healing assignments can feel like romantic/sexual compatibility. The reason you can see past the masks and into people’s souls, is to help guide them back to themselves. But the feeling of excitement from being on assignment comes from that sacral chakra. Once you know that, it makes things easier and you are less likely to get into relationships with people who siphon your light.

There is a minefield that comes with becoming an adult, learning through your mistakes and integrating the lessons. But I want you to know that becoming more of a mature person isn’t about losing out on the colour or sensations. It’s being able to stand so unflinchingly in your truth. Your longings and aches are sacred. They are a map to your heart’s greatest desires and will never be replaced by maturity.

Right now, I am feeling great clarity about my desires. I always struggled when I was younger with receiving. Especially as someone with a masculine sun sign and masculine (Leo) mars sign. It felt stifling to not take every single opportunity of exploration that I could. That is one of the main reasons I have done so much in my twenties alone. Yet if you ask me now at twenty-eight if I feel the same hunger, I would say no. On the other end of my full throttle journey into living and learning – I feel deep contentment. I look around my life and feel grateful for how many of my own dreams I have already chased. I’ve been feeling particularly anti-consumption but from a place of ease. I’m not dying or counting down to buy a particular gadget or desperate for anything that monetary value brings.

The contentment in my bones now speaks to peace that has been cultivated by me and for me. I took a chance on myself and now I am ready to receive. Now everything feels lighter, more within reach because I’ve let go. I have struggled with control issues, as you can understand from my Aries Descendant and my psychic knowing. It’s never brought me peace. I have intentionally worked on it and it has been nothing short of excruciating. Now though, I’m fully at peace. I entertain possibilities of beginnings and endings with effortless grace. Worse comes to worst, I channel the feelings of longing from my body to the page. If I can experience something, I can turn it into achingly beautiful art. Practice holding your longing gently. Practice powering your self care and glamour from those very feelings. Let yourself unravel when the right champion comes.