Confessions of a libra

Feel | Credit: Here

24.05.25

Thick, hot smoke burns my throat in delight. My head  falls back, slow and deliberate – I hold it in. My foot sensually moves up my other leg, I like the feeling of the stockings rubbing together. I let the smoke out, slow and consistent. The clouds are hypnotising in their movements away from me. I expel all the air and suck in a breath. Delicious. The music is playing in the background. Some smooth jazz. There’s incense in the background to disguise the smell – white musk.

The air is warm and cosy, just the way I like it. I’m up on my elbows, head back and watching the ceiling. My foot is doing that thing again. Across my skin, sensations heighten. Suddenly I feel a tingle in my spine, and I like it. It’s electric. I’m suddenly hyperaware of certain parts of my body. The back of my neck, my ears, my hips and my lower back.

Time feels slow, liminal. Life feels worth living. I’m more grateful for my body. I’m more grateful for each breath. It’s a wonder we perform this function on a daily basis like it’s normal. Maybe it is normal. But who made it like that? Someone had to have the bright idea… There’s ringing in my right ear. Is that spirit confirming what I just said? Probably. It’s kinda weird being alone but not feeling alone. I know they’re watching. They must be like, you live that life girl! Or something. I mean what do they really do other than watch me all day? Do they have shifts and tag each other in? I would hope they step out of the room when I’m…

They have a great sense of humour though, I must admit. I chuckle at all the times I asked them if everything would work out. Yet here I am, living and thriving. I take deep selfish breaths. I’m not sure I ever really breathe like this. I need to have more self care time. My phone is too bright so I turn it down, and add it to my notes. Yes, gotta schedule in more me time.

I lie back on the couch, then a little shimmy to get comfortable. Where was I? Who remembers? The front door opens softly. I didn’t realise he was coming today. A part of me wants to get up and make a fuss but the smarter part wins. He walks in and places his bag on the ground. He watches me watch him, with my index finger softly chomped by my front teeth.

“Why do you look so good today?” His tone low but playful.

“Cause I feel like it,” I sass back.

He stalks toward me expectantly and as he approaches I place my foot on his chest – stockings and all.

“And where exactly do you think you’re going,” I contest.

He looks at me, eyes wide with confusion. My stomach does that thing.

“What have I done?” He asks as though already pleading for forgiveness.

“You are not touching me without having a shower. My vessel is clean,” I say with a smirk.

He grins, relief clear in his eyes. He did that thing where he smacks his forehead, “Of course!”

Why does he do a happy dance all the way to the bathroom? He’s got it real good. I cackle with the strength of all the ancestors. Life is good.