Confessions of a libra

Just Be | Credit: Here

21.05.25

[ Follow up from The Madonna-Whore Complex ]

Here lies my invitation, to explore with you the ways you can deprogram from outdated ideas. It’s not wrong to change. I know you likely weren’t in the panel of men who decided on patriarchy. You were just born into this like the rest of us. But it’s important for me to stress patriarchy hurts everyone. Especially men. Maybe that makes me a crazy feminist or when you read that you felt a knowing in your body.

Having been in relationships where I have held space for men to express themselves outside of the binary, I can tell you that seeing that joy is immeasurable. I would rather encourage you to be your full spectrum of self, warts and all. There is no shame in that. Hiding from yourself though, that’s just delaying the inevitable.

Patriarchy encourages you to bypass your emotions in favour of intellect. That is in effect, cutting you off from your own sensuality. While you might try to fight or fuck the feelings out of you, those are the wrong places to be looking for emotional regulation. You are looking in the wrong places for emotional safety. Men die from suicide at alarming rates. As someone who has had male friends, it is scary how many men know of someone who has or at least attempted. Being unable to have deep conversations about the intricacies of life or the depth of your emotions – is scary.

While it might feel ‘cool’ that you can compartmentalise, a lot of men end up implanting women in their life to help them process emotions. It feels safer to do it this way because women will hold space for you. I have watched this manifest in men who are serial monogamists. Sometimes it comes from a deep fear of being alone with your own thoughts, spurred by a deeper fear of facing one’s shadow. Having a witness can soften the blow to life’s problems. This even leads people to stay in relationships and marriages full of resentment. Being alone has a way of illuminating truths. That is why I enjoy retreating into sacred solitude.

In patriarchy you are taught to possess a woman or protect them. Have you ever thought about how a woman should be received? What being open and holding space for her looks like? Instead of shutting down when her interests differ from yours, asking questions and trying to understand anyway. I have learnt to play certain video games to bond with previous partners. In return, you might have to sit while I do your makeup or watch Twilight with me. If making space for someone is difficult, then that is a signal that you should be alone and figure that out.

I want you to imagine a world where you can marry love and lust. Where you do not have to pick between the good girl and the bad girl. Picture a relationship where you can be imperfect but seen, recognised. Leaving space for a woman to guide you and it not threaten your masculinity. If you have ever been seen with the eyes of a divine woman, that is a gaze you’ll never forget.

Where you are confused by women’s behaviour, dare to ask one without assumption and accept the answer as provided. Things do not have to make sense to you to be valid. You can definitely learn why they make sense to someone else the more time you spend with them. The more genuine intimacy. From there, the beauty in them shines from the inside out.

It might surprise you to know the depth of love some of us carry. You may also relate, so let me tell you from personal experience. I don’t love from the outside in. I love from the inside out. When I love, your crocked teeth become your signature. Your jokes are the funniest. Your faults become quirks. Your skin brings out my inner cartographer. I smell you in places you are not. Your scars, are just begging for kisses. Your softness, a gift. Your trust, a treasure. Your health, a priority. Doesn’t that sound like so many women in your lives?

Dare to re-engage with the women around you with curiosity and interest. Notice all the forethought and match them in kind. You don’t have to be perfect. But you have to give a fuck. I write this because I care about the plight of men. What I would give to have real male friends who didn’t have an agenda and saw me with clear eyes? Engage in educating yourself on the effects of patriarchy. Engage with your friends when you learn something that can bring everyone up. We need to rebuild community within the divine masculine. Let me be your shepherd.