Confessions of a libra

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20.05.25

I moved on. While you were still strategising on how to give me just enough to satisfy me. While you wanted to win the game of intimacy through control. I was watching, waiting and daring you to take a chance. To believe me when I said I wouldn’t use anything against you. I’ve been witness to your emotional inconsistency, your disappearing acts. Your reappearing acts. You shied away from my depth, my spirituality and my intellect. You tried to devalue me by placing me in a neat box. Maybe just the casual one, just the sexy one, just the smart one or even just the goody-too-shoes. It used to hurt that I was honest about who I was and you acted like I was a mystery. Now I accept it as your own laziness.

You weren’t brave enough. Many I have entertained had years on me, but never the maturity. Rarely the backbone to stand up for yourself. To be loud and proud about having me in your corner. You cowered behind my skirts and called it neutrality. I’ve been your scapegoat. Your convenient excuse to hide from the lies you tell others. I’ve triggered in you some shame that you had no ability to process. Shame for your lack of self worth, lack of drive, lack of interests, lack of depth and lack of will to conquer yourself. I intimidated you with the very bluntness that made you giggle behind closed doors.

You saw my wit as a tool for your amusement. Never as a true measure of my intelligence. You saw my sensuality and you wanted to claim it. Never did you ask how you can revere it. Never did you ask how you can honour it within yourself. You saw my struggles as ego-boosts because you were secretly in competition with me. Not realising that rejection is redirection. Even when life bogs me down, my ancestors always row me forward. You cannot understand what you cannot comprehend.

I hold no ill will, only hope that you free yourself. That you can look in the mirror one day with full acceptance. Of everything that makes up you. That you can one day see what I saw in you. That it was real and I wasn’t living in fantasy. I saw you before you could see yourself. I was sent to you to remind you of who you are. To return you back to self. So take accountability for what you did and forgive yourself. Progress not perfection. Repeat it to yourself as a mantra until it sticks. For you are always redeemable.