Confessions of a libra

Surrender | Credit: Here

19.05.25

Pleasure is a sacred well. I went from being a woman deep in service to a woman in languid contentment. Service was taking on a new form. Rose tinted if you will. Every moment felt more alive, more heady and magical. The colours had never been so bright. That’s how you should know isn’t it? But sacred unions still take work just as any other. Moreso even, there is no room for a lack of accountability. Sahir was hot-blooded and struggling with his jealousy. It was evident by his struggle when Kaito and I spend time without him. Sahir was determined to share or get me alone, as though not a single moment could go by without his presence.

This was a fear and a worry for me. As I’ve been learning the two men I see now that they are Fire and Ice. They have been shaped by very different environments with matching temperaments. As Kaito and I did past live meditations to try and map out our journey up until this life, I could decode that Kaito had a fear of being second best. We had been this triad before and Kaito had allowed himself to shut down from his fear of not being enough.

I wanted to act swiftly, but I also wanted to reserve heavy judgement. How could I explain to them that I am the anchor, not the anchored? I felt myself retreat while trying to outthink myself. In this life, I was determined to get it right. We had done it before, we could yet again. I retreated to the vault of sacred objects. I was the only one allowed in as it stored items pertinent to my history and calling. The most sacred of objects.

In my mind if I shut myself in for a day – maybe a couple max – I could think of the right approach. A part me told me that out-thinking was an old outdated behaviour. Another screamed at me that I should obsess over past records from past lives to try and understand Sahir better. Finally  I gave in and ditched both. The answer was clear but it wasn’t my favourite one. I needed to work this out intuitively. I need to feel into helping us get on the same page.

I came out of the vault after dusk. I would have missed the dinner that Kaito cooked. It surprised me still that he could cook his own meals instead of relying on servants. He said that was due to his travels. Self-sufficiency was crucial to safety. I could not disagree. As I stepped out and got into the hallway, I found both men sitting on either wall talking and bouncing small balls off the walls.

“What on earth is this?” I asked incredulously.

“Bonding,” Kaito said sheepishly.

I tilted my head, and waited to hear something that made sense.

“Clearly, we’re in the dog house. So we’ve been bonding,” Sahir said in his deep husk.

“Okay…” I said in disbelief.

“Will you eat now? Your temple deserves it,” Kaito’s gentility made my heart nearly burst.

“I’m not hungry yet actually. But I would like to borrow you two for a little exercise, if you’ll have me.”

The men looked at each other then back to me. We all walked to my private chambers. Since the men’s arrival they had all been assigned a bedchamber. I wanted to have the ability to decide in what configuration I wanted to sleep that night. It hadn’t been clean though, we trialled doing a night each then one on my own. Often I would give in on the third night and crawl into someone’s bed or call them in. We were making it through but it was haphazard. We were learning in real time.

Once in the room, I faced the men. I was wearing a sheer floor length gown. One reserved for when I wasn’t seeing village people for healing. This one was for the private full bodied Priestess that no mortal man got to see. Except two very exceptional ones.

“I would like to trial sharing this chamber with the both of you,” I announced in a cheery tone.

They looked at each other all surprise and suspicion. I beamed at them even more.

“Why?” Sahir was the first to ask.

“I want to show you how important you both are to me. I am hoping that by spending every night together, it can ease some of the pressure off the activities happening during the day. We are only doing this if you vow that while this arrangement is in place, any time I spend with either of you outside of these chambers at night is off the record.”

It was clear the gears were turning in their heads. Sahir scratched the back of his head with a sheepish expression on his face.

“If you’re doing this because I’ve been, a little erratic…I’m sorry.” The sincerity of his tone made my heart ache.

I walked to stand in front of him. Speaking with all the passion I could muster, “I love you Sahir. You are my Flamekeeper. You are the sun, the passion, the hotness that engulfs me.”

I paused for effect and he turned his head to kiss my palm. I shivered at the feeling the softness left on my skin. “But I love Kaito too. He is my Silent Protector. My dream, my very own poem and my softest place to unravel.”

My eyes held his captive and I heard his breath catch. I was looking into his eyes with passion and empathy while telling him that it was another man who also held the pieces of my heart.

“I know it’s perfectly natural to feel possessive. Especially for a warrior like yourself. But let me show you a new way,” my voice had dropped to a seductive murmur.

His brows drew together giving him a helpless expression. He nodded and in that I felt the heaviness of his trust, his surrender. I led him to the arm chair in the corner of the room. I found a silky blindfold I had made myself and tied it for him. I checked in and once he confirmed comfort I leaned in to his left ear.

“Are you ready?”